Sleep Tight............

Psalm 121

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
 My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
 indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
 the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

 The Lord will keep you from all harm —
    he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

Just this tonight, just the thought of God watching over you.......your coming and going.......your birthing moment and your moment of surrender...........He watches.  Every night I slumber and I fall off to sleep and my children are but a distant dream as I slumber but The Father never sleeps..........I am always in His arms, under His protection.  As much as I love my children and would do anything for them........I sleep.  I drift off and leave them to their sleep........but our Father never does.

Tonight I rest in the thought that my help comes from the One who is always watching, never changing and ever loving...............

May your sleep be sound as you rest in the arms of a Creator such as this..........................

A Mother's Walk

In the cover of night a mother sat, rocking her baby.................a contented picture you might think but I was never a contended mother in the middle of the night when all I wanted was a warm bed and sleep to come.  I sat in the blackened room, a room with no window, no light, no sound........just the rocking of a mama with tears about to fall.........tears of exhaustion, tears of frustration, tears of I just need some rest.

It was Francesca that I was rocking..........with Fia came Psalms.........with Nico came sleep.........with Francesca came prayer, another mother's blog and my ipod firing up the night...................and a vision I recall now........... it was a picture that God gave me...........the first of many since that night He opened my eyes to seeing in the dark.........seeing what happens when you close your eyes and let go and open your heart to His voice.......

As I sat in that room, crying out to Him because the days seemed so full and endless and I felt so inadequate and I felt as if I was struggling to do and be everything that I was suppose to do and be........I closed me eyes and let my heart speak............

I saw a tightrope........it was a precarious walk for a mother.........a thin sliver of a wire and all around me, crowding me in, were all the things that I was worrying about.........

I saw a scale that never read right, worries about what was going in my mouth, the treadmill that beckoned and sat unused..............................

I saw a pile of dishes.......................

I saw phones calls needing to be made................

I saw lessons to be planned for a little one about to go to school.....................

I saw me not being good enough......................

I saw meals to be cooked.....................

I saw the people I was trying to please........................

I saw three eager faces ready to play, to be read to, to be loved and poured into...............

I saw a house that needed to be cleaned...................

I saw dusty shelves, cobwebbed corners, closets to be organized, piles and stacks and boxes and drawers stuffed full.......................

I saw, I saw, I saw............there was so much and it felt immense and was crowding me in, on this tiny tightrope upon which I was walking............

But then, then the light..............it was up ahead........I kept walking towards the light.............and as I walked the tightrope expanded as the things I was worrying about fell away............the tightrope became a path, a narrow path but as the sliver expanded and things were pushed aside I began to breathe more easily...................there was a release..................

As I walked on more and more disappeared, the anxiety lessened and the path expanded...........

I came to the end and I was running, running towards that light and burst into a beautiful field of brilliantly colored flowers and the sun was shining, shining forth it's bright light..........I was running and leaping and dancing in this field.............

All in the midst of my dark room, rocking my baby, tears streaming down my face.

I was in the presence of God and it was glorious.

I was reminded of this vision this past week...........as I felt called to that field once more........dancing in the presence of God, in the brilliance of His light and His beauty.  He was calling me to get off that tightrope that I was finding myself back on................and that tightrope?

It can be a mother's walk.  We have all been on it, crowded in by the things that burden us, that cause us anxiety in the dark of a moment or a day.

But here is the good news.............God is calling you to the light.........He is calling you to dance in a field of beauty..........for you are beauty to Him.  That light shining down in the field?

It's for you.

He's inviting you to take off your shoes, to let the burdens fall away and come with Him......wherever you are.

Oh my, Nicole..........I see you...........I see you and your babe in belly............dancing the dance of life........in a field of flowers.......His light is shining on you both.............when you experience the dark and the worry and the fear...........let Him transport you..............

He awaits you.

Our Ever Changing World.....

Oh my, I am a little worried that no one will ever read my words here again..................and I am a little worried that I care whether or not anyone will read my words.  Does it matter if anyone does or it is the process that matters?  This process of getting my thoughts, my prayers, my breath out on page, on this cold computer screen that warms when filled with the pulsing nature of my innermost thoughts.....

I deactivated my Facebook account.  Where I post when I update my blog.  Where I find my time being lost on people I don't actually know in person.  Where I message friends and those that I knew long ago.

It's not a bad thing - Facebook.  I understand it's ease and it's escapism and it's usefulness.  But I find myself getting caught up in self.  I get caught up in who comments, who messages, who updates and I wonder why?

Why do I care?

Why do I get so wrapped up in this and that and not what really matters?

My life is full - there is a husband to care for and love, kids to feed and play with, food to be processed and made, laundry to be done, a lawn to mow, relationships to nurture - a life filled with so much joy and blessing which overflow...........and yet............

I found myself escaping - to the bathroom, to the bedroom, to take just a moment, a second - really - to check with facebook.

FACEBOOK.

What is this?

For me - nothing more than a distraction.  A distraction that was taking me from the things that needed, warranted, deserved my attention.  The last thing I needed was another pull on me - a pull away from what mattered.

What if for every moment I spent on facebook I spent in prayer?

What if for every moment I spent on facebook I spent telling my husband how much I loved him or showed him how much I love him - with a kiss, a word, a sacrifice?

What if for every moment I spent on facebook I spent looking at my child, while they talked, while I listened and told them with my actions that they mattered?

What if for every moment I spent on facebook I spent talking with a friend who needed me, who needed an ear, who needed human contact and not computer contact?

Isn't that what we are all desperate for?

CONTACT.

HUMAN CONTACT.

Someone who cares.  Someone who goes beyond a comment, a message, a "like".  Someone who shows up and loves.  Even when it is not easy.

It's hard.  This deciding.  This deciding who is in and who is out.  Who needs you, who warrants your time.  For you cannot serve everyone, you cannot be everything to everyone.  If you spread yourself too thin than you are not available to anyone.  So it is in the deciding...................

What are your priorities?

Where do you spend your time?

Who is God calling you to serve?

Make a list.

Where is your time spent.

Where do you want it to be spent?

Who is God calling you to love?

Thank you to those who spend their time here........on my words.  It matters to me :)

I Do

It's good to have friends with you in the battle.  When you and your spouse are battling it out, making a decision, coming to a difficult conclusion.

Your house can seem an island, your marriage a place where there are just two or three depending on how much you are leaning on the Lord :) ..............

But then you find you are not alone.  That there are people on the end of a phone line, waiting to listen, to weigh in, to pray for you.  These people make themselves available even though there lives are busy and full..................and things aren't so hard, anymore.  You find a way to let the battle simmer down, the words to become kind and the kisses to become many.  And you think, let's do this again another time - let's talk, let's pray, let's continue in the battle.

Because you realize that the battle isn't over one issue or one problem or one decision that needs to be made.  You realize that the battle is every day.............every day you choose to be married.  Every day you look at the person next to you, the shiny happy person or the still half-asleep, grumpy person and say, "Yes. I do."  The vows take place every day, every moment.

And it gets harder and it gets easier :)  Does that make sense?  It gets easier because, oh my, each day that passes my life and who I am and who I want to be gets more and more intertwined by the man beside me.  Our goals, our dreams, our prayers become almost inseparable and who can share the hurts, the joys, the disappoints, the love of this life more or better than the one beside me?

No one.

But as we become more and more intertwined it seems more of you has to give and continue giving and you realize you aren't the perfect person that you were on the day you married.  You came in one person and you grow into a very different person and sometimes all that change is hard.  The waiting and being patient and allowing for another is hard.  It goes against the way I work but I have learned and grown through the waiting and being patient.  And I hope that the one beside me would say I have become better at it as the years have gone on.

And so the battle continues, as we fight to make our marriage a good one, a great one, even.  Sometimes it works and sometimes we are the ones working.  But every day we choose to say yes.  Every day is an "I do".

And like the person on the end of the phone.......there are others.  Others that are battling with you, that recognize the importance of marriage, the importance of love and saying I do every day.   Just yesterday one of these people, finding out it was our anniversary, texted and said my kids would love to have a Codispoti sleepover tonight, drop off your kiddos.

Huh?

I mean, the battle is important and marriage is important but is it important enough to have 7 children sleeping over at your house.......mid week...........when you just had 8 children with you all day and will on Thursday too?

And the answer is yes.  It is that important.

I recognize this.  She recognizes this.  And so do our husbands.

And so on our eighth anniversary we got to drop off our kids and just be.  We went out to dinner, we went to a movie, we ate ice cream and we talked.  We talked about everything and nothing.  There was little kid talk, little work talk, little church talk..........it was just us..........as if the eight years were but a second that passed.

It was just us again.  It was lovely.

And that's why you can't battle alone.  It is essential to surround yourselves with people who get it, who recognize how important family is, marriage is and are willing to sacrifice to help you say your "I dos" every day.

We are so blessed.

Thank you, Mullins family.

Thank you, Lipford family.

Thank you for joining us.   All your prayers, all your time, all your energy, all your words, all your sacrifice is noticed.  It is appreciated.  On this day, the day after our anniversary, we thank you for strengthening us, strengthening our marriage by walking alongside us.

And to Joe, thank you for making it easy to say, "I do." - eight years ago and still today.

So glad you are the one beside me.

I love you.