Oh, Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood?

Eight years ago I was single (DESPERATELY HOPING TO GET MARRIED) and not really thinking about children (BUT DESPERATELY HOPING TO GET MARRIED). I moved into a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house after walking through the house twice. It was the only house I looked at because, at the time, I wasn't looking to buy a house. In fact I had never before looked through a house and had no idea what I was doing (OTHER THAN DESPERATELY HOPING TO GET MARRIED).

There was no thought put into this decision other than oh, that is a great house and I love it. I would love to live here. It has a great backyard which Joe (that man I was hoping to marry) thought was great (although there was NO INPUT from him whatsoever, he was not so desperate......at the time.....that came later.....) and it was three streets from my parents which I think they thought was great, although I can'tbe too sure :)

I look back and I have to think it was a moment that was orchestrated or at the very least used by God. A moment in which the rational thing, the seemingly sensible thing to do was the exact opposite of what happened (although I think the Codispoti clan call this a "Kossler Moment".....). It still seems to not make that much sense, that we have 5 in a now, what I call, 2 and 1/2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house. We are hoping for another one through the foster care system (I am constantly paranoid that in talking about a 4th child someone will look at me andsay OH YOU ARE PREGNANT - CONGRATULATIONS and then my husband will have to suffer the consequences for about 2 weeks after) and can't say that we have any plans to move.

God, I believe, has placed us in this house - giving us all that we need and much much more. We live in a house that we can comfortably afford on one salary. We are three streets from MY PARENTS, people!!! This takes on a whole new meaning after kids. Not are we three streets from my parents but.....GRANDPARENTS....ahhh, the luxury of it all! And we live in a neighborhood not filled with children but filled with a community. It's amazing to me how God knew that it was not children that would be the best thing for our little ones but a community of people that love and include them in their every day life. We are able to walk in and out of houses. We have babysitters and playmates, none of which are younger than 60 (except for Yumiko - I forget her age but in case she ever reads this she is VERY YOUNG - or at least not yet 60). It's this crazy thing that has us walking up and down the street and chatting and peeking in windows and exchanging baked goods and favors. It's this place where my children run, by themselves, down to my aunt and uncle's house for afternoon playdates. It's this place where Nico can watch Nascar with the 80-some year old man two houses down (one time they both fell asleep in their recliners at the same time :) We are so blessed and it's nothing we would have ever chosen for ourselves. I would have looked for more families or children perhaps - another bedroom :) Joe, I imagine, would want two garages instead of the cramped one car garage we have, at one time he imagined a workshop (HA! I think of the time we thought we would have........, I imagined a room that held all my books and would be a library of sorts - I now call that room our bedroom and it houses whatever library books I have checked out because we sold almost all the books we owned to make more room for the kid's stuff). We would have maybe nitpicked a bit more and looked for something different. But every time I look at this house I feel contentment (now that that nasty carpet is up................) and I think that God placed us here. I don't know what the future holds but I am so grateful for the time we have here now.

Here are a few pics of the "Codispoti Carnival" - orchestrated by the new Big Man on Campus, Nico. Now that big sis is gone for the day he took over making the grand plans.........and you will see what I mean about our neighbors and my parents being such a WONDERFUL community and such great sports. They all came over and let my little man tell them exactly how to play the carnival games. They played the games with enthusiasm and even helped with the clean up.

Nico waiting at the end of the driveway for everyone to come

He thinks this is his "cute" pose.........

The fishing game

Steve and Francesca

The kids in their costumes trying to win for best costume (or just eating the prizes)

Our crazy community - one dog walker got quite a kick out of our front yard festivities!

WWMID?

I tend to be the type of person that follows WDMID instead of WWMID. This can be a problem. I love historical fiction (I have tried to do the whole nonfiction thing and there are some INCREDIBLE nonfiction books out there but by and large I love the stories thrown in the fiction books that may not be historically accurate but are just so fun to read - check out Rutherford, Jakes or Follett for some WONDERFUL reads).

Anyway......my point, yes there is one. (Are you still wondering what on earth WWMID and WDMID mean?)

I read Roots when I was pregnant with Sofia and the ending was a COMPLETE surprise, I remember gasping (and mostly likely hitting myself in the chest because every time I swear I am not JUST LIKE MY MOM I discover I really am) and just being bowled over by the entire book. I was particularly affected by what the women went through, not only the women but the mothers. In reading all this historical fiction you discover how easy you have it and, as I have said before, sometimes blessings while always welcome can sometimes seem to be somewhat of an embarrassment. I mean if I can't pull it together with only three children, a wonderful husband, indoor plumbing, electricity and all the comforts that I have.......

WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT ME - AS A WOMAN? A WIFE? A MOTHER?

And that is when I had a revelation - I needed to think more in terms of "What WOULD Ma Ingalls Do" instead of "What DID Ma Ingalls Do". Fia and I had been reading the Little House books and I found myself getting sucked back into that world where I questioned who I was and my ability to do my job. Again, I live AN ABUNDANT LIFE - why am I tired? why do I have laundry piled up? why do we have egg based meals so much? Why can't I handle life sometimes when Ma Ingalls was able to cross many states in a covered wagon, fording rivers, making rabbit stew and milking cows? And then it dawned on me............

If a U-Haul would have passed Ma Ingalls' covered wagon on the way to the prairie and offered her a ride would she have said, "No, thank you. I prefer my covered wagon. It's so cozy in here with all my wordly possessions and my three children. Oh, and we haven't even forded the river yet! That is just pure excitement! I never know if we are all going to make it to the other side or not"? HECK NO! That woman would have RUN, FLYING INTO that U-Haul probably thanking the Good Lord every second of that ride to the prairie.

What about in the dead of winter when the girls and Ma are stuck inside with the wind howling, snow blowing and have been there for DAYS ON END.........................what if, GASP, a TV landed in the middle of their cabin? Would Ma say, "Oh, please take away that heathen item with it's mindless, endless programming - we are so happy playing here for 13 hours a day with our one corn husk doll and sewing projects."? Again, HECK NO! They would have sat down and after initially watching for all 13 waking hours every day for about a week probably Ma would have gotten it together and limited their tv time to an hour or two a day and done so guilt-free, thanking the Good Lord for this miracle that descended into their home. (Oh and I don't think that TV is a miracle from God and yes, it can be used excessively and there is endless HORRID programming but Ma Ingalls is a good, Christian woman and I am sure she would keep her girls away from anything indecent ;)

My point is.........instead of thinking about all these things that other women did before me, generations before me........I should count my blessings, knowing that they wouldn't begrudge me the conveniences and abundance of this time, right now. I should look at my day and see blessings, not inadequacies. And maybe your struggle isn't with Ma Ingalls or the women found in historical fiction books but with the woman who is line with you at the store (I almost cried when I first had Sofia and I saw a perfectly made up, thin woman at Babies R Us with an infant about Fia's age - I wanted to go up to her and say HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE LOOKING LIKE THAT? I half hated her and half envied her) or the mom next door or your own mom or grandma.

Who do you measure yourself against and come up wanting?

Well, STOP. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. It's not worth it. Circumstances, life, people are different. Chances are you are doing just fine, even better than fine. And so today, join me in doing what I believe Ma Ingalls would do..........counting my blessings instead of my inadequacies.................

1. A beautiful feeling like fall day

2. Hot coffee

3. My girl seeing a new friend at school and shyly waving hi

4. A morning spent at the museum and park

5. Max and Ruby :)

6. Wonderful, seem like they've always been there friends

7. A husband who thinks of me first and himself second

8. A forgiving, merciful God

9. A warm bed

10. Seeing a mess and knowing that it comes from a beautiful place

11. Massive Schnabel equipment.............and the generosity and love that come from such people in the sharing of all they have

School Days

I have been a little frazzled as of late. This whole school thing has me spinning. You wouldn't think this, but it's true. I have been putting on an act for the last five years in which I appear to be a somewhat organized, schedule oriented, with-it type mom (or maybe not and you all see me as I really am....that's so scary I can't even go into it right now........). I am not. Well, the schedule is key but I am not really organized and I hate having to be somewhere with something in hand. I don't do deadlines well and I am not used to having to keep track of things. This just makes me anxious. Joe handles all bills, paperwork, insurances, car appointments, EVERYTHING. In fact just a few weeks ago I got a check from someone for looking over their homeschool work and I was completely stumped. Huh. A check. What on earth would one do with such a thing?

I actually had to call my husband.

He instructed me to go to a bank. Ummmmm, what bank? He informed me that we had a lovely little bank down the road from our house that we put our money in. Great. Ummm, now when I get there do I have to fill out one of those slips (those slips make me so anxious...what do I write on them? do I need a special number for them to give me my money that comes from this check? Oh the questions those slips generate..) Luckily, it seems I do not need a slip if I am just cashing a check. So I go to the bank, armed with my twenty five dollar check and I gather my courage to approach the teller. I hand her my check and drivers license and say I would like to cash it. I am uncertain at this point if this is really going to work (not only do their slips make me anxious but so do the actual institutions)

.

It doesn't work.

My name is not in their computer (see I have these anxieties for a reason, people, sometimes these things just DO NOT work). Apparently, Joe forgot to put my name on the account. Isn't this reassuring? If something happens to Joe how on earth am I suppose to get any money out or even remember what bank it is in? I just took the check home and let Joe deal with it.

ANYWAY...........this school thing makes me anxious not only for Sofia's personal happiness but HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSE TO REMEMBER ALL THESE SCHOOL THINGS? I know, I know. Everyone does it and some do it for 6 kids. It's been two days and all I have had to remember is the reams of paperwork that is needed to enroll your child in kindergarten (apparently my child may need to be whisked off to the hospital for emergency surgery and is it ok if they cannot get a hold of me using the ten phone numbers I had to give them and if two medical professionals deem it necessary that they do whatever procedure is needed to be done? I mean what on earth do you say to that? I just checked the yes box) and make sure her lunch is packed and she is ready for spirit day today. Getting out the door hasn't even been that bad because we have moved up bedtime so that Fia can get enough sleep and everyone is now back to their infant schedule of getting up at 6:00 or 6:30.

This is just not natural for me - this organization thing, this having all my ducks in a row. I do much better with the zoo days and play all day in your pj days and baking and cooking and all that homey type stuff. I feel as if I am going to be graded this year. I wonder how I will do?

Sofia, on the other hand, is just amazed by how easy kindergarten is. She loves seeing friends and recess is her favorite thing at school. It seems, for her, my organized one, my responsible one, my "happy as long as I have a friend" one that she will do just fine. We will see how her mother fares............

Dearest Jani...........

A little over five years ago a babe was about to be born. It was a babe right from God, in God's perfect timing. For she came the year of a shortened school year, a longer summer. It was a time her teacher mama was to remember because she was given an entire month before her girl's arrival to..............

REST. And rest she did........

She took long walks with her brother about to be married. She watched movies when it was light out and there were more productive, more active things to do but a baby was coming and the belly was big and it seemed the right thing to do. There were games of Scrabble on the porch of her parent's house, eating chips and drinking Pepsi. There were whole afternoons of reading on the couch, oh how wonderful that 1000 page Edward Rutherford book was, more often than not followed by a lengthy nap. Her husband marveled at her ability to sleep at all times, any time, anywhere. He might also have wondered how on earth his lovely wife was to survive the coming months after that precious babe was born.

Those days were lovely. They were perfect. Not always are we to be productive and performing and doing, doing, doing. There are times of rest and relaxation and just being. There are times to store up the energy and the momentum for what is to come.

For one day soon you will be called upon to be up and to be giving of yourself to another. This nine months, I feel, was given not only for nesting but for resting. This time is to give your energy, your productivity, your time for the little one inside. You are growing a little baby boy. He needs you now. He needs you to kick back and relax, to read lengthy books, to watch multiple episodes of a tv series, to spend mornings on the deck drinking tea or sipping coffee, going out to dinner with your husband. He needs you to laze about, wondering who he is, what is to become of your life with this new life about to be born.

Sweet Jani, don't waste time thinking about things to do, what HAS to be done. For nothing HAS to be done. This time in your life comes but only once. For the next time you find your belly big, your feet all swelled up you will have a little Perrin to chase about and meals to be on the table and a boy to put to bed and a million other things that come with a small one about. You will think about him first and yourself second. You will want to squeeze out every second with him while waiting for the second for you will know that your time with him and him alone is coming to an end.

This time is for you. Take it and rest with it, not run with it. You will not regret it. Your life is about change in a BIG way and in the best way. Yet, it is an ending of sorts. An ending of endless time for you. Take advantage of the time you have now. Everything you might concern yourself with now will be there next year.................

For The Record......

I feel as if I must write something about this day. THIS DAY being the day I have half dreaded since June 17th, 2006. Today was Fia's first day of kindergarten.

We have been incredibly blessed with a teacher who is experienced and kind and organized and will be a good disciplinarian. There are nice girls in her class who I had hoped would be there. There is even an aide I met this morning that I have known since I was little. The whole building is on high alert looking for Linda Kossler's granddaughter, Joe and Mandy Codispoti's daughter. We are blessed.

But it's still hard. It's my girl. The one who is my heart. The one that I probably worry about the most. For there is uncertainty within her little body. She is not one who embraces change or adventure or new experiences. She is like her daddy, like her mommy. Maybe not the people that we have become and learned to be but the people, the children we were when young.

Yet in other ways, I think she is better than we are. She has a kindness and generosity that goes beyond her years, beyond her genes. She is what we prayed for when we were still just thinking of what may come. In the womb we asked God to bless our child with these qualities. Back when we had long hours to talk and wonder and imagine we each picked out a quality that, for us, was above all others. We talked about how to encourage these in our child that was to come. We prayed for these qualities. Joe's was generosity, mine was kindness. It's amazing to see how God has answered prayer in that manner. For my girl has a heart for giving and a heart for showing others kindness. Just the other day she talked about Christmas and after going to grandpa and grandma's house to open presents she would like to come back to our house to wrap presents and make presents for other people that don't have very much, maybe in other countries. The week before she thought maybe we should put on gloves and take bags around the neighborhood to collect trash. She is quick to think of others.

I pray that she is indeed a light to others at school. That she live out our prayers for her. I pray God's protection over her, these hours that she is away from us. I love this little girl and today I have missed her. It seems there is a bit missing from our day. It was such a beautiful day and how I longed to have her on our walk with us, at the rock pile and reading books on the couch as the sun shone in. I know she is where she is suppose to be, God has assured my heart with every single blessing I asked for and more.

But it's hard.

My girl

A Very UnPC Tale of Two Dead Parents

Fia loves to pretend play. She can talk FOREVER about her "children" and all the mishaps that occur. And in the last few months there has been much focus on her "parents", specifically her dead parents. I have no idea where she got this from other than the fact that we have been talking about fostering and adopting for quite awhile but NEVER about parents that have died. It has always been said that some parents aren't unable to take care of their children and that we were going to help them out by caring for whatever child comes into our home. I can only imagine what she must have inferred from this. The following is a story she told me yesterday............

Fia: My parents are dead. (Always a good opener for a story)

Me: How did this happen?

Fia: Well, my dad went to England. He's a strong dad. My mom was at home. An Indian came

over and she was really nice. She took care of him. He gave her some tea. She drank all of the tea but it was poisonous.

Me: Oh no! Poisonous tea?

Fia: Yes, it was poisonous tea and I didn't get home in time to save her. She died.

Me: What about your dad?

Fia: Well, he was in England and an Indian came with over. He had a gun. He shot my dad in the eye with the gun. I went over to England to try to save him but I was too late. He died.

Me: Oh my! So what are you doing now?

Fia: I got a foal and I am happy now.

So there you have it folks..............no matter what tragedy may occur in your life, a foal is the cure for everything. It's nice to know that if anything ever happens to me that life indeed will go on as long as someone buys her a baby horse. Oh and please excuse the quite negative references to Native Americans. I am guessing this is from reading the Little House books in which sometimes there can be some mean Native Americans. The extensive talks we had about how the Native Americans were here first and had a right to the land and were justifiably angry did no good. Also those talks about how there are mean people of all types everywhere just as there are good people of all types. Apparently the only thing that stuck out to her was the chapter where two Native Americans showed up and took some things from the cabin, scaring Ma and the girls.

I can't IMAGINE the things her kindergarten teacher will hear this coming year. She starts tomorrow.............good thing we met Mrs. B last night so she knows I wasn't poisoned with tea and Joe wasn't shot in the eye..................

A Serious Disorder Affecting the Male Population of the United States

............otherwise known as "Piles". I think that this is an actual disease - Ashley, please let us know so Jani could tell us a home remedy which would then be furthered treated by my oncall specialist, Bekah's husband, and then we could always ask Jen who has probably had it.

I digress..........I started noticing 2 years ago that my son had issues with this. It only took about two months into my marriage to notice that, indeed, Joe was already a goner and that my job was to just treat the disease not to cure it (I hope that my husband is in a good mood when he reads this.........my punishment will, of course, be my next post which will be titled "How I Can't Keep a Closet Organized to Save My Life or My Life Long Struggle With Folding a Towel Properly"). When Nico was two and barely talking at all he had a shelf in his room with his "treasures". He would take guests into his room and tell them all about his treasures - a rubber ring from the salad spinner, a car, pieces of paper, etc. One day I got so bothered by this "pile" that I swept it all in a basket and put it under the shelf.

BIG MISTAKE.

He was VERY upset that his treasures were gone (I should have recalled the many times I tried to move his father's "treasures" into my version of a more organized pile or place......). He proceeded to take them all out of the basket and put them back in THE EXACT SAME SPOTS. He was 2, people, and these were RANDOM BITS OF TRASH.......er, TREASURE......and they were put back with precision, about 15 items. I didn't make that mistake again.

I walked into his room today to find this:

It had happened so gradually, after changing his room, that I hadn't noticed the disease had reared it's ugly head once again. To anyone else this may look like a random assortment of trash and you might think that it's time to clean it off. But OH NO I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON (Yes, Joe, I know that after 7 years I have yet to learn my lesson with you but I am trying honey, really trying and yes, I know that I really have to start aiming better and really trying to get the diapers IN the basket in the garage because you work very hard to keep it clean and it DOES NOT help when I just throw things in there willy nilly). That huge loopy thing is a toy bought at a garage sale for TWO DOLLARS and we HAD to get it because the main reason that he loves to go to the Arways' house is because of all their super cool hot wheel stuff. The Justice League of America clock is my brother's from when he was little that grandpa thought he would like to have. There is a christmas music box from Aunt Susie, a paper airplane Joe made, a stuffed turtle from a neighbor, two pretend trophies that he made from blocks, a night light, a torn Diego birthday card, a flag and two cars. Now you may think just clean it off, Mandy, he won't notice some missing things. I HAVE TRIED. Without fail, the same things will show up on the dresser IN THE SAME PLACE later that day or the next.

I think this is the beginning of a life long struggle. I want to apologize to Nico's future wife and say that I will work on it. If you, all 4 readers out there, find or have any cure for this disease please pass it on. My entry way needs your help:

Yes, honey, there will come a post in which I go through the cupboards and take pictures of every dish that I completely and INADVERTENTLY put away with just a few little spots on it. (Ok, to be honest there have been many GROSS dishes put away, things I wouldn't even eat off of....I mean ENTIRE BOWLS with pesto residue caked on it after 8 cycles through the dishwasher.....it takes me a while to admit defeat and actually wash the dish myself)