I remember going to Cedar Point just a few years ago and not wanting to ride roller coasters. As a kid I definitely wasn't a thrill-seeker or an avid roller coaster rider but I do remember the thrill of the Magnum. To me it was a straight forward, brilliant roller coaster - just straight up and then straight down again. I loved the build-up, the sense of fear and excitement, the thrill of going down and the rush that you felt. It was awesome.
I tried it a few years ago.
Didn't like it.
It was just terrifying and made me kind of queasy.
My roller coaster days are over, I think.
And I thought about that today as I was reading a book about roller coasters to my kids - all safely and warmly bundled up on our couch under blankets, eating pancakes. Why am I not a roller coaster person anymore? Have I gotten too old? Am I not fun anymore? Am I just a wimp?
And I think that it's because when you are young there is part of you that is always looking around the corner, wondering what is coming next and what BIG THING is going to happen. For the most part I, and the kids I knew, were safe, sheltered from what the world can bring, what it can seemingly, randomly deal out. Real tragedy, real fear was not a regular part of life. So it seemed no big deal to jump on a ride and to feel fear, to feel uncertainty, to feel the thrill of the unknown. It was exciting.
But now I know.
I know the thrill of getting married......................and staying married.
I know fear because I have birthed children and have watched them, with trepidation, grow and change and begin their walk away from me.
I know how far down my stomach can drop because I have heard the phone ring and I have listened as someone has to speak words out loud that should never be spoken.............all the while, thinking this can't be true, this can't be true. I am here cooking dinner, sleeping, playing with my children, just walking the steps of daily life and for someone else life has stopped.
I know the joy of walking with the Lord, of feeling His presence so closely that for a moment you are enveloped in the purest of Love. You think you never want to move, to even breath in that moment because you might break it.
I know the excitement of wearing underwear of my head and declaring war on the boys, sneaking around the house, hanging daddy's underwear all over the tree fort, spraying him with water and then RUNNING AS FAST AS POSSIBLE to the van and locking the doors..........waiting for the revenge, which is sure to come and that will SURELY BE COMPLETELY DISPROPORTIONATE to the crimes committed against him.
I know uncertainty because I have learned NOTHING is certain, peek all you want..........life can change in a flash. To be prepared always be aware that you are utterly unprepared.
So I think that as I have grown older that I don't need the manufactured emotions of the roller coaster. I live the roller coaster. To pay an incredible amount of money to be thrilled and scared and to feel my stomach drop, to know joy and excitement and uncertainty is just crazy.
As I grow older, I find I like the log ride :) A slow and gentle journey, carried along on ripples of water. One hill, a little splash and you have your whole family with you - nice and safe and happy and laughing. That's the ride for me. A little escapism for my money.
How 'bout you? What's your ride?
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Even just STAND at the Door ;)
So the past week or so I have been really fixated on the fact that you just need to walk out your door to see who God has called you to serve, who you are to take the Good News to, even wrote a blog post about it..............no need to go finding people, God will bring them to you.
Walked into the bathroom tonight...........
Saw something taped on the mirror................
Hmmmm, it's one of the pages from the calendar that I made Joe for Christmas last year - bought a 365 day calendar and wrote movie quotes, questions, glued pictures, messages, etc. Wonder what one this is?
October 10th - Name three things I do that brighten your day. Write them down.
This is what he wrote first:
1. Meet me at the door.
BAM. Smacked me right in the face.
Ok, God. I get it.
I promise.
No more messing around. First things first, right? Love you, God. Love the fact that You can be as literal as the AWESOME husband you gave me.
Walked into the bathroom tonight...........
Saw something taped on the mirror................
Hmmmm, it's one of the pages from the calendar that I made Joe for Christmas last year - bought a 365 day calendar and wrote movie quotes, questions, glued pictures, messages, etc. Wonder what one this is?
October 10th - Name three things I do that brighten your day. Write them down.
This is what he wrote first:
1. Meet me at the door.
BAM. Smacked me right in the face.
Ok, God. I get it.
I promise.
No more messing around. First things first, right? Love you, God. Love the fact that You can be as literal as the AWESOME husband you gave me.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
What A Difference a Day Makes............
Yesterday I sat, sobbing, in a church................despairing for a baby, thoughts turning back a year, to a year when another baby lay still............after so much was hoped for, prayed for..........
Every time I lifted my voice in prayer it was with the strength and power of one who recognizes who God is and what God is capable of..............it was with the pain and heartache that comes with a life hanging in the balance, a little one that struggles to live on.........it was with fervent hope that I prayed life would continue................it was with love that I called upon the God that I love to save the one that I know He loves.............but never was it with JOY.
But today is different.
Today I sat with people that know and love God and I heard from them and I heard from Him and
THE WORD OF THIS DAY IS JOY.
Tonight I come before the Lord, not sobbing, not despairing but with a COMPLETE and TOTAL JOY that defies the reality of tubes and machinery and MRIs and the need for a Ronald McDonald house and I say to you, Lord, thank you for this life. Thank you for this baby. Thank you for bestowing us with the gift that is Owen, Lord.
I allow laughter and joy and giggles and praise to come from my lips.
I am celebrating this child and the God that gave him to two such wonderful parents, loving parents, parents who have known the joy that this child brings.
And tonight I pray that JOY is spread throughout the rooms, the corridors, the hearts of the people in the Cleveland Clinic. I pray that they experience an audible whooshing sound as it powerfully flows throughout the entire hospital. I pray that the results are tangible and unexplainable and real. That the JOY of the Lord is brought to this place through Owen and those that this precious babe have brought to this place.
Let laughter ring out.
Let praise ring out, not lofty and obligated praise but praise unfiltered.
Let JOY ERUPT.
Because in the face of those MRIs, those tubes and every horrific, awful thing you hear in such a place.................we can have joy. It's possible. Because we know, huh? We know. This isn't it. Far from it. We can look all these things straight in the eye and know..........no matter what happens. Bring it on, the force of JOY is at work..............push back the enemy.
JOY WINS.
LOVE WINS.
THE BATTLE IS WON.
Adalyn Joy Kossler................thank you for always reminding me...........it took me a little while.......I was focusing on just the first part of your story............and forgetting the JOY.
Every time I lifted my voice in prayer it was with the strength and power of one who recognizes who God is and what God is capable of..............it was with the pain and heartache that comes with a life hanging in the balance, a little one that struggles to live on.........it was with fervent hope that I prayed life would continue................it was with love that I called upon the God that I love to save the one that I know He loves.............but never was it with JOY.
But today is different.
Today I sat with people that know and love God and I heard from them and I heard from Him and
THE WORD OF THIS DAY IS JOY.
Tonight I come before the Lord, not sobbing, not despairing but with a COMPLETE and TOTAL JOY that defies the reality of tubes and machinery and MRIs and the need for a Ronald McDonald house and I say to you, Lord, thank you for this life. Thank you for this baby. Thank you for bestowing us with the gift that is Owen, Lord.
I allow laughter and joy and giggles and praise to come from my lips.
I am celebrating this child and the God that gave him to two such wonderful parents, loving parents, parents who have known the joy that this child brings.
And tonight I pray that JOY is spread throughout the rooms, the corridors, the hearts of the people in the Cleveland Clinic. I pray that they experience an audible whooshing sound as it powerfully flows throughout the entire hospital. I pray that the results are tangible and unexplainable and real. That the JOY of the Lord is brought to this place through Owen and those that this precious babe have brought to this place.
Let laughter ring out.
Let praise ring out, not lofty and obligated praise but praise unfiltered.
Let JOY ERUPT.
Because in the face of those MRIs, those tubes and every horrific, awful thing you hear in such a place.................we can have joy. It's possible. Because we know, huh? We know. This isn't it. Far from it. We can look all these things straight in the eye and know..........no matter what happens. Bring it on, the force of JOY is at work..............push back the enemy.
JOY WINS.
LOVE WINS.
THE BATTLE IS WON.
Adalyn Joy Kossler................thank you for always reminding me...........it took me a little while.......I was focusing on just the first part of your story............and forgetting the JOY.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Every life, every breathe
Every life, every breathe has meaning............from the ninety year old woman who has seen it all to the nine day old baby who has everything yet to behold.
Every life, every breathe is a sacred thing............each one scripted by One who knows best, who knows better than we.
Every life, every breathe has been written, is already known...........when we try to make sense of each little moment, each hurt, each joy, each happening we take away the mystery that is God.
I have no idea why most anything happens.
I sometimes wish I did.
Tonight I sat in a sacred space and my chest heaved, my mouth opened trying to gasp for breathe, tears were flowing down my face. There was a bubble of pain that was threatening to burst within my heart, within my body. I tried not to make a sound........just sitting, kneeling on the floor of the sanctuary........and He was there.
He knows.
He knows our questions and our rage and our aches and our wonderings and our pain and He is there.
He is the Rock.
The Rock that we can scrunch up our fists and punch like mad, we can beat against Him, rail against Him and say WHY, WHY, WHY?
And He takes it. He can take it.
He is our Rock.
And all the while we are raging and crying out and questioning............He comes. He is there. You can feel it. And maybe that is the thing that causes me finally to make a sound, the opening for it all to come forth. He is there. Because despite the not knowing, despite the seemingly randomness of life...............there is one thing I know.
Jesus Is Lord.
And that's enough.
I trust in that promise. I trust one day I will see Him and all will be answered.
But for now..................every life, every breathe is sacred.
Hear our prayers, O God................our voices we lift to You...........our trust we give to You...........
Every life, every breathe is a sacred thing............each one scripted by One who knows best, who knows better than we.
Every life, every breathe has been written, is already known...........when we try to make sense of each little moment, each hurt, each joy, each happening we take away the mystery that is God.
I have no idea why most anything happens.
I sometimes wish I did.
Tonight I sat in a sacred space and my chest heaved, my mouth opened trying to gasp for breathe, tears were flowing down my face. There was a bubble of pain that was threatening to burst within my heart, within my body. I tried not to make a sound........just sitting, kneeling on the floor of the sanctuary........and He was there.
He knows.
He knows our questions and our rage and our aches and our wonderings and our pain and He is there.
He is the Rock.
The Rock that we can scrunch up our fists and punch like mad, we can beat against Him, rail against Him and say WHY, WHY, WHY?
And He takes it. He can take it.
He is our Rock.
And all the while we are raging and crying out and questioning............He comes. He is there. You can feel it. And maybe that is the thing that causes me finally to make a sound, the opening for it all to come forth. He is there. Because despite the not knowing, despite the seemingly randomness of life...............there is one thing I know.
Jesus Is Lord.
And that's enough.
I trust in that promise. I trust one day I will see Him and all will be answered.
But for now..................every life, every breathe is sacred.
Hear our prayers, O God................our voices we lift to You...........our trust we give to You...........
Problems, Whether First World or Third World......
There is a lot of talk lately about "first world problems"...........and I think that there is some validity to remembering our blessings and seeing our problems in the bigger picture of what is happening in the world.
BUT................................
Does referring to our "problems" lessen them or hide them?
Do we deal with our feelings, our thoughts of discontent by burying them, not dealing with the root of what is really bothering us or do they magically disappear when we refer to them as "first world problems"?
Do we mean that our contentment, our happiness is based on the things we have, the circumstances we find ourselves in or have we learned to be content in ALL circumstances?
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
- Philippians 4:11-13
Isn't it interesting that Paul says that he has learned to be content whether he is well fed or hungry, whether he is living in plenty or in want................hmmmmm, I always focused on the want part. How bout you?
What if we have to learn to be content when we have a house, a car, a job, good food and healthy children? What if our contentment comes not from what we have but from God himself? I think we say that it does but then we say things like oh, I have healthy children and a great family and a job so I should be happy. I don't have any real problems or heartaches so I should be shouting from the rooftops, I have a house and food and a husband so I should be joyful.............right?
WRONG.
I have God so I am joyful.
I have Jesus so I am shouting from the rooftops.
I have Love, who walked right into my heart, and so I am content.
To base our contentment on anything else leaves us open to Deception. And when those things - your house, your job, your children, your spouse fail you..............Deception walks in and makes his home. And when you say your problems aren't worthy of being problems, aren't worthy of being dealt with..............Deception walks in, makes himself comfy and begins to wreak havoc on your heart because you haven't acknowledged the root of your discontentment because the guy next door, the next world over has it worse. Deception wins.
So the next time you are TEMPTED to dismiss your problems remember Paul's words that he had to LEARN contentment in ALL situations. That Paul, who has been referred to as one of the greatest apostles, had to LEARN to be content in plenty, when well-fed. Who has to do that?
He did.
We do.
I have learned to be content when my children are healthy and with me.
I have learned to be content when my arms are empty and waiting, waiting to be filled with my child - whether in this life or the next.
I have learned to be content when I have a warm house overflowing with food.
I have learned to be content when I don't know where my next meal is coming from.
I have learned to be content when I have friends aplenty.
I have learned to be content when I am alone.
I have learned to be content when I have my dream job.
I have learned to be content when I don't have any job,
I have learned my contentment comes from Him.
I have learned my contentment is based not on circumstances but on the Everlasting, Unchanging, Mighty God I love and who loves me.
BUT................................
Does referring to our "problems" lessen them or hide them?
Do we deal with our feelings, our thoughts of discontent by burying them, not dealing with the root of what is really bothering us or do they magically disappear when we refer to them as "first world problems"?
Do we mean that our contentment, our happiness is based on the things we have, the circumstances we find ourselves in or have we learned to be content in ALL circumstances?
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
- Philippians 4:11-13
Isn't it interesting that Paul says that he has learned to be content whether he is well fed or hungry, whether he is living in plenty or in want................hmmmmm, I always focused on the want part. How bout you?
What if we have to learn to be content when we have a house, a car, a job, good food and healthy children? What if our contentment comes not from what we have but from God himself? I think we say that it does but then we say things like oh, I have healthy children and a great family and a job so I should be happy. I don't have any real problems or heartaches so I should be shouting from the rooftops, I have a house and food and a husband so I should be joyful.............right?
WRONG.
I have God so I am joyful.
I have Jesus so I am shouting from the rooftops.
I have Love, who walked right into my heart, and so I am content.
To base our contentment on anything else leaves us open to Deception. And when those things - your house, your job, your children, your spouse fail you..............Deception walks in and makes his home. And when you say your problems aren't worthy of being problems, aren't worthy of being dealt with..............Deception walks in, makes himself comfy and begins to wreak havoc on your heart because you haven't acknowledged the root of your discontentment because the guy next door, the next world over has it worse. Deception wins.
So the next time you are TEMPTED to dismiss your problems remember Paul's words that he had to LEARN contentment in ALL situations. That Paul, who has been referred to as one of the greatest apostles, had to LEARN to be content in plenty, when well-fed. Who has to do that?
He did.
We do.
I have learned to be content when my children are healthy and with me.
I have learned to be content when my arms are empty and waiting, waiting to be filled with my child - whether in this life or the next.
I have learned to be content when I have a warm house overflowing with food.
I have learned to be content when I don't know where my next meal is coming from.
I have learned to be content when I have friends aplenty.
I have learned to be content when I am alone.
I have learned to be content when I have my dream job.
I have learned to be content when I don't have any job,
I have learned my contentment comes from Him.
I have learned my contentment is based not on circumstances but on the Everlasting, Unchanging, Mighty God I love and who loves me.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Nico's Take on Girls
Setting: A beautiful fall day spent playing in the mud, digging holes, finding worms and basking in the sun.
Me: Hey, buddy, Fia's bringing home a friend after school today, McKenna.
Nico: Oh, good. We can play. Well, maybe they will play princesses or something. Francesca and me will play in the mud. Some girls are messy girls, mom and some girls are princess girls, they like princess stuff, girl stuff.
Me: Oh. And Francesca is a messy girl?
Nico: Yeah, she's a messy girl.
Me: And Fia?
Nico: She's a princess girl, mom. She likes to do lots of girl stuff and princess stuff. She doesn't get as messy as we do.
Nico is actually dead-on with this observation. When we have groups of children over and they are all playing in the mud and dirt and water and such we will actually have to HOSE THEM OFF. Fia? She will have been down there playing with them and in the midst of all the mess but she will have a drop of mud on her face, maybe, and her hands will be a bit dirty. Otherwise? Nothing. She is hardly ever a messy girl.
Me: What about Livvie and Annie? What kind of girls are they?
Nico: Well, they are sort of princess girls...........sometimes. But they are messy girls, too. They like to play in the mud, too.
Me: What about Caris?
I was interested in this one because I would not put her in either category - princess or messy. I was wondering what Nico would have to say.......
Nico: (scrunched up face, thinking) She's a teacher, mom. She's more a leader. She does a lot of work.
DEAD-ON............Caris, I think, would FULLY approve of this description :)
Me: Well, what about me, buddy? What kind of girl am I?
Nico: You're a working girl, mom.
Huh. A working girl. Let's not repeat that phrase to anyone else, ok, buddy? Can you imagine......at storytime? at church? at school? What does your mom do, Nico? She's a working girl.
So there you have it. Nico's take on girls. We have the messy girls, the princess girls, the leader and the working girl. Care to venture a guess on what kind of girl you are or what kind you are married to?
Me: Hey, buddy, Fia's bringing home a friend after school today, McKenna.
Nico: Oh, good. We can play. Well, maybe they will play princesses or something. Francesca and me will play in the mud. Some girls are messy girls, mom and some girls are princess girls, they like princess stuff, girl stuff.
Me: Oh. And Francesca is a messy girl?
Nico: Yeah, she's a messy girl.
Me: And Fia?
Nico: She's a princess girl, mom. She likes to do lots of girl stuff and princess stuff. She doesn't get as messy as we do.
Nico is actually dead-on with this observation. When we have groups of children over and they are all playing in the mud and dirt and water and such we will actually have to HOSE THEM OFF. Fia? She will have been down there playing with them and in the midst of all the mess but she will have a drop of mud on her face, maybe, and her hands will be a bit dirty. Otherwise? Nothing. She is hardly ever a messy girl.
Me: What about Livvie and Annie? What kind of girls are they?
Nico: Well, they are sort of princess girls...........sometimes. But they are messy girls, too. They like to play in the mud, too.
Me: What about Caris?
I was interested in this one because I would not put her in either category - princess or messy. I was wondering what Nico would have to say.......
Nico: (scrunched up face, thinking) She's a teacher, mom. She's more a leader. She does a lot of work.
DEAD-ON............Caris, I think, would FULLY approve of this description :)
Me: Well, what about me, buddy? What kind of girl am I?
Nico: You're a working girl, mom.
Huh. A working girl. Let's not repeat that phrase to anyone else, ok, buddy? Can you imagine......at storytime? at church? at school? What does your mom do, Nico? She's a working girl.
So there you have it. Nico's take on girls. We have the messy girls, the princess girls, the leader and the working girl. Care to venture a guess on what kind of girl you are or what kind you are married to?
Friday, October 5, 2012
Why Ohio livin' is good livin' :)
I LOVE fall.........the slowing down, the cooling down, the settling down...........love, love, love. And my favorite day of fall, you ask?
Why it's Fall Family Fun Day.........started nine years ago when we were dating. We had to begin borrowing Joe's little sister and brother to come with us on our outings after that first year. We noticed on our first Fall Family Fun Day that most of the people around us had kids and were having A LOT of fun so we decided to get some kids of our own :)
Here's some pictures of our Ninth Fall Family Fun Day (and two really cute ones of Nico from harvesting grapes at Uncle Vince's and Aunt Colleen's house):
Hope your fall has gotten off to a great start!
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