Not Every Moment is a Glorious One

Otherwise known as Confessions of a Bad Mommy...........

1. The other day I actually held the phone to my ear and pretended to be talking to my grandfather while lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon. I just needed a tiny break and felt that was the only way everyone would leave me alone.

2. I have turned away from my child and done the whole silent scream/stranglehold motion thing to keep from having my own emotional breakdown.

3. The only way laundry has gotten done this past month is when Nico runs out of underwear or shorts.

4. Francesca has pooped in two different yards this summer.

5. My kids get a dumdum sucker every time we leave grandma and grandpa's house (they keep a bowl there for them) because it is just easier that way - bribes work.

6. I have come to accept that fact that I may never dust this whole house (do you like how I make it sound as if we have the MASSIVE place to dust - it's about 4 rooms that really ever need it, 4 small rooms) at one time again until everyone is in school. (I would like to pretend it's because I am SO busy but it's really because I just cannot find it in me to care about the dust on the mantle.)

7. A few weeks ago Joe had been working at the farm all morning and then working in our garden for most of the afternoon and evening. He comes in about 7:00 and says what do you need, can I do anything. I say oh I am getting what I need (not one of my finer moments....). I walk out the door, do not say goodbye to anyone in the house and leave the house - just one of those days. I ran an errand, then went to my parents house, took a bath and read a book on their porch until I was certain that the kids would be tucked in. To his credit when I came home he didn't say a word just asked how everything was......that's what 7 years of marriage and 3 kids can do for you!

8. Nico is probably naked more often than he should be - the other day he asked me if I wanted to play nudo soccer. I told him that wasn't really going to happen, nor should it EVER happen.

The Post of Many Pictures

Dare I say, as adults, that we complicate things? That we tend to muck up the works by thinking that we need to entertain, socialize, teach or occupy our children each moment of the day. One of the joys of having small children is the simplicity of the joy that is found in being with them. There is so much delight to be found in the extraordinary yet ordinary things of this world.

There are amusement parks, stores full of the latest and greatest in kid's stuff, whole buildings devoted to the entertainment of children through bouncy things and what not but in the end the things that stir my children the most are found in the simplicity of the world around them or through the process of creating something. And why not take this time - when they are young and carefree - to be young again yourself?

Go.....go........jump in puddles, dig in the dirt, fingerpaint, go on bunny hunts, play games and cards all day in your pjs.........just don't waste this time when they are young being old and stodgy.

Abandon all thoughts of keeping clothes clean, of ever catching up on your to do list, abandon what's not important and become a kid again, enjoying the simplicity of this beautiful world. Why wait 2 hours in line for one roller coaster when right out your back door is a world of adventure?

More For Me Than Anything, Really

In this life, in my marriage it seems there are moments of caregiving and those who freely take the care that is being offered. It seems to work itself out that there is a balance. It took quite awhile to discover this balance for I was one who was desperate for love from early on. My mother once made an astute comment that I was never quite myself unless I was being loved and loving someone - not exact words but I did relish being "in love". For so long I spent time pouring love into others, becoming exactly what they needed, what I thought they needed. I was happy, in a sense, for I did love "being in love" and being part of a whole but this did not make me whole. I spent so much time trying to be everything, do everything I could to stay "in love". Looking back I lost a bit of myself each time while taking on the personality of who I thought I needed to be. Now I look back and see that those boys weren't the problem but I was. I was looking for something earthly, something not quite right to make me whole. Before meeting Joe I started to see what it was I needed. I needed to be right with myself, find who I was in God, find love from my Father to make me complete. For my mother was right, I wasn't quite happy unless in love. I found the love of my Father before finding the love of my life. I haven't gotten it quite right yet - this relationship with my Father, I struggle with the daily habits, with the knowledge of Him........and I hadn't gotten it right even before I met Joe but I started on a journey and then God, who knows me better than anyone, knows my heart and my thoughts and my innermost self, led me to Joe. This man who loves me for who I am even though I drive him crazy at times. This man who saw who I was and never asked me to calm down, slow down or be less obtrusive. This man who takes care of me like no one else, who keeps me safe and keeps me wrapped in his arms day and night. This man who makes me feel beautiful and sexy and kisses me each day whether I turn to him or not. I love him and I love that he was sent to me from God, for I believe that I would have gone searching anywhere for love, done anything, compromised who I was in the pursuit of being a wife, a mother and it is only through God that He lead me to this place, this perfect place for me. Thank you, God, for knowing me better than I know myself. Thank you for leading me to this man.

The Mishap of a One Bathroom Home

Every morning Nico gets up, stumbles bleary-eyed to the bathroom. You hear the faucet being turned on and know that he is washing his eyes out, then he towels them dry and tries to find his way to his momma's arms. About 15 minutes later he will return to the bathroom for his long morning pee.

Well this morning Joe was in the bathroom. Nico starts banging on the door, Joe asks who is it? NICOLO MATTEO CODISPOTI - I NEED TO PEE! Just a minute buddy is the response. So Nico says I got a great idea, I can go outside. I said sure buddy, go ahead. He makes his way out to the pee tree and goes as I watch from the window.

Then I see it.........the look. Joe is out by now and is looking out another window. I yell out the window.....buddy, buddy do you have to poop? A frantic nod. Joe meanwhile is yelling don't poop, if you poop you can't go pee outside anymore, no more peeing outside. I am laughing hysterically because how can you say such a thing? Really? We are outside in the middle of a park or at a place with no bathrooms - can you really follow through on that? Frantically Nico is trying to decided what to do - a panicked look on his face suggests that he can no longer control what it is his body is doing. Joe has stopped threatening and is simply completely grossed out at this point while I can't control my laughing but thankfully my bladder is fully under control.

Then it happens..........our pee tree has now become the poop tree.

Sisters

How I love this blog: www.aholyexperience.com - it makes me tear up every time. Today's post was about sisters. I don't have any sisters, a wonderful brother with whom I share a common language - one word or phrase can bring about understanding usually followed by HUGE laughter and often laughing so hard that tears come. I send him gross pictures of things, I send him texts telling him how pretty I look, I can pray for him, I can ask for prayer, I can share so much. Yet, he isn't a girl and doesn't have that certain understanding that comes from being a woman. And so while I don't have a biological sister I read this post and thought of my other sisters - ones not from the same mother but from the same Father. These are the women who share my life - who are a phone call away, a text away and on some lucky days we can even see each other and take a breather from everything. For it is with these women that I am more or, rather, even less. I am no one's mother, no one's wife, no one's anything......there are no expectations. Rather there is a loosening of self, a time when everything seems easier when you are with your true sisters. I love how a look or a word can translate into so much more - there doesn't need to be scores of explanation for they know. They know without saying that you are tired, that you do more than you ever imagined you would for your family, that you love your husband more than words could ever capture yet at times you feel so exasperated. They know that how you looked on your wedding day is not how you look now but that there is beauty in a face, a body that has given life, that has sacrificed, that has spent days playing and laughing and cooking and eating and loving. A body that once was made carefully through exercise and watching what was eaten rather than cleaning the plates of small children, enjoying a huge ice cream cone on a sunny day and when exercise comes in the form of running around the yard and following just starting bike riders. They know all of this without you telling them - for you also share a common language. I love this. I sometimes mourn that fact that I didn't discover this group til later in my life, this club that belongs only to women, women who are comfortable in their own skin, who have grown to love themselves enough to share and delight in the company of other sisters. I hope for my girls that they know this bond from early on. That they will walk through life knowing the love of a sister, not only blood sisters but the sisters that He has placed in their lives.

Stabs of Jealousy

Tomorrow Fia, Nico and Francesca are going to grandma and grandpa's to spend the night (cue thunderous applause and celebrating in the background). No particular reason - just have a ton of stuff to do around the house and well, grandma and grandpa are both retired now and I assume they have nothing better to do than take care of my children with their vast amounts of spare time. Back to the subject..........so while I may indeed delight in the occasional night away from my children I expect them to be devastated by the loss of my company for any longer than 24 hours. However, tonight Fia said that she would like to just stay at grandma and grandpa's, to live there. UHHHHH....punch in the gut. Really? So I told her that was fine we can pack up her clothes and she can stay there (thinking if I push it I can get her to admit to the enormity of this decision and she will come running back into my arms). Ok, she says. Nothing. Am I not a fun mom? Do I not make delicious meals, plan fun activities, delight in her presence? (That might be a bit of an exaggeration but I am trying here, people) So later I tell Joe that I am a bit heartbroken by this and isn't he feeling this way too? He says she gets to eat junk food and watch a bunch of tv, I want to live at grandma and grandpa's house. Hmmmm...........good point, daddio, good point. Not feeling so badly anymore..........

I am BOY see me pee

So for quite awhile Nico was all about the girl stuff.........painting nails, dressing up, etc. Fia did these things and as far as he knows she quite possibly is the coolest person in his little world (or so she has led him to believe). But this all changed the day the Fether boys were over. You see the Fether boys live in a completely different world - MAN WORLD. There are four Fether boys and one big Fether man. They carry this MAN WORLD with them and one day it came to our backyard in the form of Brady sliding down our twisty slide, getting off at the bottom and peeing right on the jungle gym. Fia knew enough to look away, giggle and look at me as if saying can you believe this kid? But Nico filed this information away and decided to use it for another day. That day came later that week when the pee tree was established. For that day Nico discovered the one of the truly COOL things about being a boy - you have a penis and you can use it wherever you go. Have to pee? Great - here's a tree. Oh and did I tell you you can AIM IT? You can actually pee on rocks, shoot dandelions.......you can even pee on tires to wash off the dirt. AMAZING!!!!!!!!! We have had to curb his excitement and insist that he only use the outdoors when he MUST or he actually is outside. For awhile he would get up in the morning and want to go pee outside. It was amusing at first and then I thought.....hmmmm, this might not be a good idea. But for now the penis wins out over nail polish, dressing up and all things girlie. It was almost too much for him when he discovered the "stand up" toilets in the men's bathroom.........he now loves the urinals and doesn't want to go in the girl's bathroom anymore. And so the fascination begins.................my little boy is growing up...................(oh and by the way, he thinks his penis is TOO BIG - hahaha!)