Forgive Me......

Forgive me, my babies, for waking weary on so many mornings...stumbling out of bed, not fully awake, resenting the intrusion that you caused on my sleep........I loved the cuddling, feeling your warm bodies snuggling into mine as we read books but, oh my, was your mama tired........

Forgive me for being the mom who drove you to school in jammies, hair all wild, no make-up, even shoeless, at times......I wanted to spend a few extra minutes around the table together or all piled on the couch reading books.....hopefully, I never embarrassed you too much......

Forgive me for being too hard on you or not hard enough......I tried my best to do what was best. I wanted so hard to get it right, to help shape you into the people that God created you to be. There were days that it was easier to give in, days where it was easier to just rage against a behavior or action rather than give you the love or attention you were seeking....know that, always, always, always I loved you.

Forgive me for cleaning, cooking, baking, doing laundry, talking on the phone, rushing off to a be somewhere else when you wanted to read or color or play with me.......I wanted to do those things too but there was a house to run, friends that needed a friend and a mama that needed a bit of time, too.........

Forgive me for not knowing so many things......not knowing how to let go easily, not knowing how to make things pretty, not knowing how to answer all your questions, not knowing how to balance it all without losing a bit of my sanity at times.........

Forgive me for all the decisions we made that were hard ones........know that we wanted to give you the world, we wanted everything for you. We wanted your life to be easy and fun and painless yet knew that this was not the best thing in order for your character to be formed and tested.............we knew this and had to watch the painful moments.........someday you will experience this with your own children and know how much we loved you in those moments..........

Forgive me, my babies...............I love you so very much, every moment etched upon my heart, treasured and stored up within me. Every mistake I made, I made with love. I had the very best of intentions, though they were lost, at times, when I began to lose myself. I hope that one day you will see me not just through the eyes of a child but the eyes of a parent and know how very much I love and treasure you.