A Mother's Walk

In the cover of night a mother sat, rocking her baby.................a contented picture you might think but I was never a contended mother in the middle of the night when all I wanted was a warm bed and sleep to come.  I sat in the blackened room, a room with no window, no light, no sound........just the rocking of a mama with tears about to fall.........tears of exhaustion, tears of frustration, tears of I just need some rest.

It was Francesca that I was rocking..........with Fia came Psalms.........with Nico came sleep.........with Francesca came prayer, another mother's blog and my ipod firing up the night...................and a vision I recall now........... it was a picture that God gave me...........the first of many since that night He opened my eyes to seeing in the dark.........seeing what happens when you close your eyes and let go and open your heart to His voice.......

As I sat in that room, crying out to Him because the days seemed so full and endless and I felt so inadequate and I felt as if I was struggling to do and be everything that I was suppose to do and be........I closed me eyes and let my heart speak............

I saw a tightrope........it was a precarious walk for a mother.........a thin sliver of a wire and all around me, crowding me in, were all the things that I was worrying about.........

I saw a scale that never read right, worries about what was going in my mouth, the treadmill that beckoned and sat unused..............................

I saw a pile of dishes.......................

I saw phones calls needing to be made................

I saw lessons to be planned for a little one about to go to school.....................

I saw me not being good enough......................

I saw meals to be cooked.....................

I saw the people I was trying to please........................

I saw three eager faces ready to play, to be read to, to be loved and poured into...............

I saw a house that needed to be cleaned...................

I saw dusty shelves, cobwebbed corners, closets to be organized, piles and stacks and boxes and drawers stuffed full.......................

I saw, I saw, I saw............there was so much and it felt immense and was crowding me in, on this tiny tightrope upon which I was walking............

But then, then the light..............it was up ahead........I kept walking towards the light.............and as I walked the tightrope expanded as the things I was worrying about fell away............the tightrope became a path, a narrow path but as the sliver expanded and things were pushed aside I began to breathe more easily...................there was a release..................

As I walked on more and more disappeared, the anxiety lessened and the path expanded...........

I came to the end and I was running, running towards that light and burst into a beautiful field of brilliantly colored flowers and the sun was shining, shining forth it's bright light..........I was running and leaping and dancing in this field.............

All in the midst of my dark room, rocking my baby, tears streaming down my face.

I was in the presence of God and it was glorious.

I was reminded of this vision this past week...........as I felt called to that field once more........dancing in the presence of God, in the brilliance of His light and His beauty.  He was calling me to get off that tightrope that I was finding myself back on................and that tightrope?

It can be a mother's walk.  We have all been on it, crowded in by the things that burden us, that cause us anxiety in the dark of a moment or a day.

But here is the good news.............God is calling you to the light.........He is calling you to dance in a field of beauty..........for you are beauty to Him.  That light shining down in the field?

It's for you.

He's inviting you to take off your shoes, to let the burdens fall away and come with Him......wherever you are.

Oh my, Nicole..........I see you...........I see you and your babe in belly............dancing the dance of life........in a field of flowers.......His light is shining on you both.............when you experience the dark and the worry and the fear...........let Him transport you..............

He awaits you.