I Know

I know.

I know who.

I know who I......AM.

I am the little girl who dreamed of becoming the first woman president; reading books of Geraldine Ferraro and passionately advocating for women everything.

I am the little girl grown who fell in love - not only with the little boy grown - but with the idea of marriage and babies and lifelong love.

I am the grown girl with a shattered heart, broken into a million pieces only to be gathered up and stitched together to beat stronger and louder than before. 

I am the grown up girl finding her voice - away from what she's known and who she's been - becoming her own.

I am the young woman falling in love with life, with love, with herself - running free and imagining a life lived, children loved, ideas free-flowing and space to run.

I am the wife learning to love another - one who is different, one who is challenge and encouragement and love unconditional all in one......learning and loving, two in one.

I am the mom who discovers depth and freedom and heartache and mourning all in the space of one cry - the tears of the mother and the child running together in the dark of night leading to the joy of the morning.

I am the woman who stands and shouts and cries out for FREEDOM AND LOVE for all - the empowered woman who discovers SHE CAN.

And then..............I stumble.  I fall.  And that woman, that mom, that wife, that young woman, that grown up girl, that grown girl, that little girl grown, that little girl..........she stops.

She stops loving freely.

She stops discovering.

She stops dreaming.

She stops running.

She stops learning.

She stops thinking SHE CAN.

She stops.

And ever so gently He comes.

He kneels down.

He lifts her up in His arms and He carries her.

His love for her is almost painful as it touches the wounds and the pain and the scars that she carries with her.  Her shattered heart has become used to the fear and the shame and guilt that have become friends to her along the way. 

And yet......He is stronger.

He carries her a bit farther along and she begins to talk and dream - finding her voice, finding her first loves recognizing the ones who are with her and for her and she begins to cry out in her excitement for FREEDOM and LOVE for all and what about this and that and the other things and what if we could do this and what if this were possible and what if this could happen......do you think? 

And before she even realizes she's off and running once more...........this little girl grown.

Her Father?

He shakes His head and wonders at His creation. 

His approval and love always there should she stumble and fall again.