Monday, September 12, 2011

Adalyn Joy

Celebrating the life of Adalyn Joy - born still and yet still she was born - we rejoice and give thanks for the life that was created. We give thanks for the long, delicate fingers. We give thanks for the lips that come from her father, the nose that belongs to her mother. We give thanks for the life cradled by so many in the two days she spent with her proud mama and papa.


Cleaning and moving into a new townhouse, hoping for a new start - not forgetting, never forgetting but beginning to heal. A team of believers come cleaning out a new house, wiping down walls and floor, scrubbing, vacuuming so that a bit of sorrow may be wiped out. Trips are made from the old to the new - moving a life to begin again. It is done within the day, well before night falls.


There is such laughter and such joy with this baby girl. We go to perform a task that should never be done - picking an urn for your infant - an object with which to enclose your precious one and then to scatter her ashes from. Just writing it brings new horrors to my mind and was one of the best experiences we had here. There was so much laughter that tears ran down our faces and we had to apologize to the man helping us. I am sure that he thought we were crazy. And Matt reminded of us of her middle name...............JOY...............


There are times when the tears comes, when you are thinking about wanting so badly to hold this beautiful baby girl. Your arms feel empty, your heart hurts, you begin to shake with the sorrow of it all. It is so hard. And yet.....................after the tears, after the outpouring of grief there is relief in the knowledge that her life goes on. There is hope.


I go to the prayer room. There is music that is coursing throughout the room, there are believers pouring their hearts out, there is the presence of God. The tears begin to stream down my face once again. I pour my heart out to the Lord. I ask to see her just once, just once is all I need. I just need to see her to be okay. I have an overwhelming need to know, to be given confirmation of what I believe..............but I need more. With eyes closed I see a picture of Adalyn Joy in all her joy spinning and dancing............................her arms are outstretched, lifted high...................holding a huge ball of light radiating from above her................she is radiating. I want so badly to see her face but I cannot. I hear a peal of laughter and I am able to reach out and touch one of her legs as she is spinning and dancing. I am in the presence of JOY. My heart swells and I know. My beliefs are bolstered with the knowledge of the Lord. I am well, it is well.



andris said...

Only with You Lord. Thank you for sharing your beautiful vision. Adalyn is so loved by so many, as are her mom and dad.

The Anna Call said... are a love writer with a beautiful heart

tinuviel said...

Yes, only with You, Lord. I am so very sorry for your loss. (Here from Ann V.'s linky list.)