Tuesday, September 13, 2011

One Thing I Ask

After five days away from my family - my husband and three precious little ones - I was ready to come home. I was ready to see them. I was ready to carry home with me the amazing feelings and experiences I had while in Kansas City with my brother, his wife and my parents. I was filled with the Holy Spirit, I felt as if I had directly experienced God's grace and love. I felt I had experienced renewal in Him.

Oh my.

What happens the day after? What happens to that peace, that grace, that love that you experience when confronted by the mundane practices of real life?

Is it harder to get through the first few days of a tragedy or every day after?

What if you are the mother without her child? What if you can get through the hospital stay, the visit to the funeral home, the memorial but cannot find the strength to get through breakfast the day after? What if you feel His presence throughout the midst of the darkness but as day begins to dawn again you are left feeling empty because you realize it is the first day of every day without her.................

I can only imagine what it must be like for my sweet, sweet sister-in-law...........

For I came home with my family intact, here on earth. I came home to a busy, loud, happy home and although I was so ecstatic and so relieved to be where I belong once again I felt a certain frustration and emptiness after the heady experiences of the last few days. I came home certain of Him and his authority over my life and my heart and yet..........

It was hard to find Him with quite the same ease. It was hard to find Him in the midst of whining, cleaning, vacuuming, laundry, cooking, screaming, driving, hurrying to school. I had to be so deliberate throughout the day to look to Him. I had to make the time, I wanted to make the time.

And therein was the difference.........

After such a sweet, sweet taste of time with my Savior I was ready to look to Him with eagerness. I knew He was there. I needed that time away to be reminded of how much I needed Him and how good it was to be with Him, how much I need Him every day.

What I ask of you is that you pray with me, right now, tonight, tomorrow and each day after as long as needed, for my brother and his wife. For their every day life is not filled in quite the same way, their struggles for the moment are much deeper and stronger and I would imagine there are times that life becomes so overwhelming that it is hard to remember where to look to, it's hard to feel anything but despair. For even with Him, even with a perfect Love there is still a baby that is gone, a dream not fulfilled. There are empty arms, hearts, entire rooms. Pray for them. May they dwell in the house of the Lord ALL the days of their life, may they seek His beauty, His face. May they trust in Him and wait upon His perfect timing. May they see the goodness of Him in the land of the living................be strong, my beautiful sister, be strong and take heart.

The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?

When the wicked advance against me
to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.
For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make music to the LORD.

Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me.
My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
Your face, LORD, I will seek.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not turn your servant away in anger;
you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
God my Savior.
Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me.
Teach me your way, LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 27

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