The Length of You

Laying still for just a moment, I look down.

And I see.

I see the length of you laying on the length of me.

Oh child.

You wear me down, you wear me out, you wear me.

Mom.

Mom.

Momma.

Mom.

Mom.

You are an endless parade of need and love and need and love and more need.

And yet.

I look down.

And I see.

And I feel.

I feel the weight of you, the glorious, tender weight of you, my child.

And I soak in the moment, realizing that you are just as much my security blanket as I am yours.

As much as I bemoan and roll my eyes and sigh deep, big sighs - you are worth each and every moment of aggravation and weariness.  You are my adventure.  You love big and you need big.  You cause heads to shake while mouths betray the joy you bring to people.  You shout and cajole and boss and own this place.

I can't imagine this life, this world without you.

You still grip my hand to pull me places and tug me hard.   And as you tug my hand, you tug my heart. For you are the last in line - the loudest, the most direct, the wildest one.  Your daddy and I often stare at you in confusion, as if not quite sure how you became ours - so different are you from the others.

And yet.

I look down.

And I see.

I realize, as I look at the length of you laying on the length of me..........

So much of who you are is who I am.

An endless parade of need and love and need and love and more need.    My shouts and bossiness and directness and loudness is shrouded by adulthood most of the time, concealed by the awareness of expectations and presence of others.  And I must say there is part of me that hopes who you are is never fully concealed or shrouded.  That who you are now continues to be who you are into adulthood - that all that craziness and loudness is such a gift.    I love the glint in your eye and the sureness of who you are.

One day soon, we will lay and your toes will start to creep further to mine.  Until one day we will stand next to each other, our toes will meet and the length of you will match the length of me.  It's hard to imagine such a time as that.

I pray that the glint is still in your eye, that the sureness of who you are grows and keeps you loving big.

I pray that people are still shaking their heads and that their mouths still betray their joy at you.  

I pray that your sense of adventure will take you many places but will always bring you home, to the ones that love you most and have loved you longest.

Oh my girl.  How I love you.