Wednesday, October 15, 2014

It Doesn't Get Easier

Ahhhh...........hello my few and faithful.

I know that I have been absent for awhile.

It's been a time of newness and growth and all those highfalutin' words that simply mean absence from reality.

All my thoughts and dreams and poetry are spent on figuring out things and being systematic and the new preacher man today slammed me to a wall when he asked if I do anything without agenda?





No, I don't.

My life has been filled with chess pieces being moved here and there and it's good and it's been amazing and I love it and still.........

I wonder what became of the girl who sat at the computer and poured her heart out and wondered if she was a good enough mother, a good enough wife?

How often do I ask those questions now?

This new age, this new era I find myself struggling with.

My kids are older and blessedly in school........hallelujah and praise the lord.


But I am not so good at this parenting thing past 5, past 6.

I wonder who are they, how are they.............I wonder am I doing enough, am I talking enough, am I protecting enough, am I letting go enough?

It's a constant and it's a whirlwind and I miss the crazy days of being at home, all day, every day, all of us in one space, in one time, of one mind.

My kids were my own when they were little and our days were filled with laundry basket fun and bulding block fun and cooking all kinds of craziness fun.

And yes I remember those posts where I was done in and frustrated and tired and wanting a bit of freedom in the midst of ALL. THOSE. KIDS.


Hmmm.................I wonder if we all have an age at which we excel and I wonder if the age at which I excelled has past?

I hope that I can keep up and read up and play up with the kids I have now.

The 5 year old, the almost 7 year old and the 8 year old going on 30.

Thank the good Lord that I am not alone and that I have an army of people that surround not only me, but my children.

I am calling upon them as I enter into this battle with my children.

This battle that consists of peers and heartaches and inadequacies and anger and overconfidence and so much more.

It's a scary, scary world out there.

One in which I am ill-equipped.

But I have my team and I have my God and, daily, do I called upon them.

Who's on your team?

Who do you call upon?

Parenting is not for the faint of heart, rather for those that are willing to battle......DAILY.....for those that have been placed in their care.

1 comment:

Rachel Lipford said...

I miss those frequent peeks into your wonderful mind! The good news is that YOU set up a network, you brought so many of us together to surround all of our children, and you are definitely not alone, nor has the sun set on your time as a good mom.
(Also, the preacher man slammed you into a wall *metaphorically*, right?)