It's Not You.........It's Me

It's not you.

Truly.

I know people say that and it's not sincere or real.

But it really is ME.

When I was first introduced to you..........well, it was with trepidation that I began our relationship.

You seemed a little too cool for me.

I know that sounds weird.

Because I am sure you wouldn't say you were "cool"........but I have always been a girl that would have no idea how to define that word, let alone BE that word.

So........well, you seemed "cool".

But gradually I became used to you, what seemed cool became the norm.

You seemed to be able to go anywhere, appropriate in all situations........fitting in wasn't hard.

So I began to take you to church, out with friends, to dinner, to family gatherings.

And, to be honest, you made me feel pretty.

You made me feel confident.

I loved how I felt when we were together.

I was comfortable.

Suddenly what once was a casual, once in a while relationship grew into something more.

And then..............suddenly............

It turned serious, almost daily.

But today I began to recognize something.

It's not good for me to be with you every day.

That first feeling of comfort and beauty and confidence have given way to something different.

Hmmmm..............how to explain?

The level of comfort you bring had led me to becoming TOO comfortable, to the detriment of the others in  my life.

Somehow the others........the ones that I used to have daily, the ones I relied on for dinners and outings and church and more.........well, they were tossed aside for YOU.

My comfort had become unhealthy.

And so I have to say goodbye..........not a forever goodbye, just a for now goodbye......maybe even just a for a day, a week goodbye.

It's not you.

It's me.

For if I don't say goodbye, if I don't begin to remember the ones that came before YOU......well, I won't fit into any of my clothes ever again.

Goodbye, my leggings.

I love that you have gone with me everywhere, expanding my winter wardrobe to include dresses and tunics and easy, breezy winter wear in a way I had never experienced before.

I love that you are the answer to never having to wear hose again.

I love that you are warmth in the cold Ohio winters.

I love that you have a waistband that never digs in, never accuses........but is filled with grace and forgiveness.

I love that you have given me options.

I love you, my leggings,

But I have to wear my jeans again..............to remember.

Remember the pain of a waistband that does NOT forgive.

Remember that there is a time and place for one size fits all..........but that sometimes size does matter and I have one size in my closet and have no desire or cold hard cash to change that size.

Remember that summer is coming.........it always does.......and with summer comes less clothing and while I am at a certain point in life that it's a lot MORE clothing than it use to be.......well, there are still swimming pools and 90 degree weather and my leggings won't be appropriate anymore.......

So...............goodbye to our daily, constant relationship.

And hello to the reality of a life beyond leggings.

I will miss you.

But please remember.........

It's not you.

It's me.

Deja Vu

7:36am - Eyes open..........awake refreshed, having just spent 20-25 minutes drifting in and out of consciousness........thinking, dreaming, praying........hear the sounds of children in the living room (daddy, after having read mommy's blog, threatened that if anyone ever wakes mommy for silly reasons there will be NO KINDLE TIME)

7:37am - Head out to the living room........Francesca asks, "Mommy I didn't lose my Kindle time, did I?"  It's seems to be a moot point at this time seeing as how she is playing on the Kindle at that very moment.......but no, no lost Kindle time.  See how happy and relaxed mommy can be after 6 hours of sleep?

7:38am - I stroll out to the kitchen to determine what is for breakfast, decide the cereal left over from Christmas (my dad gets the kids each a big cardboard box full of cereal for Christmas because it's not something we usually buy..........don't ask, it's just us........not you :) and the bread from nonna's are good enough for today.

7:39 - 7:42am - I eat a bowl of Rice Krispies while I watch Nico and Francesca getting along, happy, using their Kindle Time together............ahhh, think life is good.

7:43 - 7:46am - Fia stumbles out for a cuddle, she sits on my lap.......I give her kisses and think happy thoughts about how lucky I am.

7:46am - Francesca asks to play a game and I say OF COURSE, let's play a game - I have food in my belly, I have slept, there is no pressure to move quickly, all is well.

7:50am - I hear a child's voice...........ummmm, doesn't someone have grandparents breakfast today?

What?  What's that you say?

Grandparents breakfast?

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!  I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING AGAIN!!!!

(I emerge from my blessed, relaxed, happy mommy fog)

GO! GO! GO!  NICO!

GET OFF THE KINDLE!!!!

WHERE'S YOUR LUNCH?

GET DRESSED!!!!

I WILL GET YOUR SOCKS!!!!

WHERE'S MY PHONE!?!?!  I HAVE TO CALL ZIA MARIA!!!!

MAYBE SHE CAN PICK YOU UP!

OH MY WORD - HOW DID I FORGET AGAIN?!?

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

BRUSH  YOUR TEETH!

BRUSH YOUR HAIR!!

(Fia, in the background - "Ok. everyone just has to remember their own breakfast, ok?  Just remember when your day is and get ready." She has resigned herself already to a mother that cannot remember anything)

GO! GO! GO!

OK.  OK.  ZIA MARIA IS HERE!!  OUT THE DOOR!!

HAVE FUN!

I LOVE YOU!!!

I LOVE YOU!!!

So...............it happened...........AGAIN.  I would like to say I am surprised.

But..........well, I am not.

Just last week it took us five days to remember to put money in Nico's baggie with his tooth.

Tooth fairy fail #1,074.

Our kids don't even bother leaving it under their pillow anymore.  They tape their tooth in a baggie on their light switch.

Nico swears the tooth fairy isn't real.......he just wants his money and rolls his eyes each morning as he reminds me that the money STILL ISN'T THERE.

I just tell him to try again tonight.

It isn't bad parenting.

It's called teaching my child delayed gratification.

Oh and responsibility............

Remember your own dang breakfast, kids.

Side note:  I learned from the master.  My mom?  I remember a time in high school........I had a HUGE crush on this boy from school........HUGE.  He drove a beat-up, rusted blue pick up truck and was kind of a jerk but could be sweet, at times.  Plus he was an under dog.  

I was a stupid girl. 

ANYWAY................HUGE crush.  BUT.........not an unlikely scenario, you know?

I come home.   My  mom says.........GUESS WHO CALLED?

My heart stopped beating.  OH MY WORD.  HE CALLED!!!!

I wait.  I try to act casual.  Ummm........who?

NO ONE she says.  She laughs.

The cruelty almost takes your breathe away, doesn't it?

I love that story.  It's probably the one time in life my mom messed with me like that and it makes me cackle every time I tell it -1) because it's funny and 2) because it horrifies my mom :)

Can't make this stuff up

7:36am - Whole body flails in bed, my eyes pop open to a child standing next to my bed.

It was a rude awakening to the day for a rude reason.........her Kindle time IS NOT up because she just started and HAS NOT used 30 minutes yet.

Apparently I had forgotten the world does not revolve around my need for sleep (I had just gotten to sleep 2 and a half hours prior........) and I need to pay attention to KINDLE TIME.

I asked for 5 more minutes.

7:37am - Pray for time to stop.

7:38am - Hopeful that it is still 7:37am.

7:39am - No such luck.

7:40am - Time keeps moving............shut my eyes to the inevitable.

7:42am - Belatedly stumble out to the living room and am greeted by my love on the Kindle, happily zoned out on some Smurf game.  I mumble something about making breakfast.

7:44am - Francesca stumbles out.......goes in for a cuddle and a hug while I am attempting to put together enough thoughts as to what we will be having for breakfast.......but AHHHH.......gets sidetracked by the screen in the living room and goes to sit next to Fia.

7:45am - The little man stumbles out, eyes shut, seeking the softest surface to land on and mumbles I get Kindle next............

(( Thank goodness for Amazon Free Time which manages the kid's time on their shared Kindle every day........30 minutes and it shuts them out..........no arguments, no whining, no nothing...........it is quite possibly the best gift we have ever given them for Christmas..........................))

7:50am - I heat things up for pancakes and eggs - coconut oil in the pan, a little butter on the griddle, get out the ingredients and over hear this........"who's breakfast is it today?  who gets grandparents day today?.........."

WHAT!?!?  WHAT!?!?!?  WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!?!

Kids from the living room..........grandparents day.  Remember?  Breakfast with grandma and grandpa?

WHAT!?!?!?  THE ONE AT 8 O'CLOCK?!?!?!?!?!

GO! GO! GO! GO!

7:50 - 8:00am - It's a blur of activity.

GO!!! FRANCESCA!!! GO!!! GET DRESSED!!

FIA!! WHY ON YOU STILL ON THE KINDLE!! GET OFF AND HELP YOUR SISTER!!

OH MY GOSH WE HAVE TO BE AT THE SCHOOL IN 10 MINUTES - NO ONE IS DRESSED!!! WE NEED FRANCESCA'S BOOKBAG AND LUNCH AND WE NEED TO GET HER READY!!!!

NICO!!! NO YOU DON'T GET TO BE ON THE KINDLE!!!

BRUSH YOUR HAIR!!!

FIA!! HELP HER BRUSH HER HAIR!!

GET ON SOCKS AND BOOTS!!

NO YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE DRESSED JUST GO!!!

YES! NICO YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE RIGHT COAT - DON'T WEAR YOUR SISTER'S COAT!

OH MY GOSH!  I NEED PANTS!! JUST WAIT I HAVE TO GET PANTS!!

OK!! GO! GO! GO!

GET IN THE CAR!!!

OH NO! THE DOOR IS FROZEN SHUT - IN THROUGH THE FRONT!  OH MY WORD IT IS COLD!!!

8:00am - (((SIGH))) Ok.  We made it.

Ummm.............

It is really slippery.

But we made it.

8:03am - (We pull up to the school.)  Um.........hmmm..........(Mr. Bob is putting ice on the sidewalk and a plow is just pulling up to the COVERED parking lot.  The covered EMPTY parking lot.)

Well...................it looks like there is no school.

Huh.

8:05am - Back home to pancakes, eggs and orange slices.

Just another day in the Codispoti house.