I fall into bed and fall asleep, holding the book I meant to read.........sleep overcomes the desire to read and the clock reads 7:30 and I am gone.
And so I wake just a few hours later, wide awake........thanks to my 4 hour nap that was supposed to be a full night's sleep but ended up being a nap that ended with wide eyes in the middle of the night. How I came to be this person that mimics a baby's sleep patterns I do not know.
Oh, that's right. I have kids.
And so the morning came, after another few hours sleep.......I heard the running feet of my darling little one. Always the first to wake, always running, always looking for momma.
She crawls on my lap for a moment and then asks for light and books. We have read 101 Dalmatians now every morning...........if the movie ever seems long, the book seems longer :) But I have wised up over the years and I condense the first time reading a book, rather than trying to do it the third or fourth time through when they realize there are missing words.
The others come stumbling out and it's a mess of breakfast, fast cuddles, calls to dress and brush teeth and get in the car.
I am tired already.
And even though there are no kids home today there are tables of apples to be made into sauce, a dinner to cook, a village to prep for, cheese to make and all various sorts of thing that are better done when no one is at home.
And I want to enjoy my relaxing day in the kitchen - cooking and canning and prepping - but I am tired.
And the weekends have been fun but long and the calendar is chock full of appointments and people and meetings and lists and I think that I just want to take a breather and not do anything.
But I am one of those people that it seems like there are things dangling over me even when I am still and I think of all that needs to be accomplished - my own little mobile of tasks, spinning over my head.
And so are my thoughts on the way to school........when I should be praying with my kids and looking forward to my day of silence.........
And from the back I hear Nico........Mom? Mom? You know what?
No, what buddy?
I think that our tree fort should be a family tree fort. Because that's where all my memories are........you know, me and Sierrah fighting with knives and jumping around. That was fun. We jumped all around.
And from Fia.........yeah, and where we put on our show at village?
And from me..........oh and what about the talent shows that we've done?
And from us all there came a stream of memories surrounding the fort that was built by a man who loves his family and had great visions of the summers to come, with children filling the backyard.
We all helped, huh? Daddy built it and we helped and painted?
And when we made the pulley?
And what about when we hung decorations?
And the plays we put on with JJ and Caris, when we made the elves?
And so we joined together and remembered.
Fia suggested we make notes and signs to hang on the fort, where we write our memories so that we can keep them there to remember.
And then I remembered.
I remembered that I love this life. I love these children, so much so that it squeezes my heart tight and wrings from me all those anxieties and lists and tiredness. My heart instead is filled with memories and love and the sweetness of a child's words. A child who makes poetry with his thoughts and ideas, his tenderness evident beneath all the punches and forever movement that comes with being a boy.
How fortunate I am that I forgot to pray because God met me in the moment with my children - hearing my heart, not needing the words.
If you are tired today, if you are run down and feeling worn out - not having the words to speak but needing the relief that comes with prayer, with being loved, with being heard..........look for the ways that God is hearing your heart. Listen to the words of children. See the the evidence of His creation surrounding you. Take a moment and see all the miraculous ways you are blessed, notice the extraordinary in the ordinary. I pray that your eyes are opened and your ears can hear because He is there, always He is there..........He meets us in the tired, weary moments........when we don't even realize that we are seeking the peace that comes only from Him.
Love you all.
Thanks for sharing in the place where so many of my memories are found........