It starts almost immediately............
Right after we pull out of our beloved family camp in Dunkirk, New York.........
The conversation begins about WHAT WILL WE DO FOR TALENT SHOW NEXT YEAR?!?
And it continues throughout the year.
Just yesterday we were in the car on the way to school and Francesca was saying that HER talent is art......and if you know Francesca you know and love the way she says "aaarrrrt" - her accent as dramatic as her personality.
She wants to stand on stage and paint a picture and then bestow it upon a lucky audience member.
Fia is singing and dancing at this time.
Nico MIGHT dance but he also might burp. He might do a skit. At one point he wanted to play the lego flute.
My children.
What's amazing is that these are the same children that are HORRIFIED when any attention is paid to them by most adults. They shun the spotlight, they get embarrassed easily. They are quiet and well mannered at school. We've been trying to encourage their participation. The teachers all believe that FRANCESCA is serious and shy and quiet.
WHAT?!?
But, yes, it's true.
So why is it different at camp?
How can these same children get up in front of a 100 or so people at camp and display their talents so proudly?
It's because it's a FAMILY camp.
It's a place where you walk onto the grounds and you are home. You are with family. Your entire family - all 100 or so people. These are people that hoot and holler when ANY child takes the stage - whether burping the abcs, singing a song off tune, free dancing or performing a skit.
I think we underestimate FAMILY.
We don't fully comprehend the power of FAMILY.
The expanded definition and capacity of FAMILY.
The healing nature of FAMILY.
The ability of FAMILY to empower, to bring out the best in people.
The changing love that FAMILY gives to people.
How when we are with FAMILY we are free.
And when I think of the Church?
I think of FAMILY.
When I read on blogs or in articles all the things we need to change and think about and do in order to GET people to come to church and that the church is dying and we need this type of worship music and make sure your service is this and your preaching is this and you have this and that and all that............OH MY WORD, IT IS OVERWHELMING.
And I get it.
I do.
I like worship.
I love to hear a good message and I like to preach a good message.
I want my kids to know Jesus and I value what they do at church.
BUT, PEOPLE, if we can't offer FAMILY what are we offering?
We are offering a band-aid.
We are offering a Sunday morning experience not a daily walk.
We are offering a mere shadow of what the Church is supposed to be.
We are to be God's FAMILY.
We are to be brothers and sisters and mamas and papas in CHRIST.
We are to be FAMILY - wholly and dearly loved, clothed with compassion and kindness and gentleness.
I don't know about you but I want a Church where people are free and empowered and loved and changed and the best is brought out because they are with FAMILY.
I don't want to welcome people into church.
I want to welcome them HOME......................to their FAMILY.
Join me?
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Are You With Me?
For me?
The Church?
It's not a place of rules.
It's not a place for the good.
It's not a place for the perfect.
It's not a place for the whole and already arrived.
It's not a place of exclusion.
It's not a place that tells me what I can't do.
In fact.......it's not even a PLACE.
Rather it's a PEOPLE.
It's a people that BELIEVE.
Believe that God is bigger and stronger than the things that crush us and tell us we CAN'T.
Believe that truth can exist and live in harmony with love.
Believe that perfection is only for God.
Believe that brokenness is the pathway to Jesus.
Believe that WE CAN - GOD, HOLY SPIRIT, JESUS, CHURCH - WE CAN.
We can love the unloved.
We can heal the sick.
We can help the poor.
We can pray the prayers of a mighty God.
We can sing out in worship and adoration, foolishly and powerfully.
We can raise up a generation that equates the Church with love and mercy and justice and truth.
We can be the light of the world, a people that seek to shine LIGHT in every corner of their life.
We can.
Because for me?
The Church?
It's not a place.
It's a people and it's filled with people that I BELIEVE in.
The Church is a people and THEY CAN.
Are you with me?
The Church?
It's not a place of rules.
It's not a place for the good.
It's not a place for the perfect.
It's not a place for the whole and already arrived.
It's not a place of exclusion.
It's not a place that tells me what I can't do.
In fact.......it's not even a PLACE.
Rather it's a PEOPLE.
It's a people that BELIEVE.
Believe that God is bigger and stronger than the things that crush us and tell us we CAN'T.
Believe that truth can exist and live in harmony with love.
Believe that perfection is only for God.
Believe that brokenness is the pathway to Jesus.
Believe that WE CAN - GOD, HOLY SPIRIT, JESUS, CHURCH - WE CAN.
We can love the unloved.
We can heal the sick.
We can help the poor.
We can pray the prayers of a mighty God.
We can sing out in worship and adoration, foolishly and powerfully.
We can raise up a generation that equates the Church with love and mercy and justice and truth.
We can be the light of the world, a people that seek to shine LIGHT in every corner of their life.
We can.
Because for me?
The Church?
It's not a place.
It's a people and it's filled with people that I BELIEVE in.
The Church is a people and THEY CAN.
Are you with me?
Thursday, January 29, 2015
It's Not You.........It's Me
It's not you.
Truly.
I know people say that and it's not sincere or real.
But it really is ME.
When I was first introduced to you..........well, it was with trepidation that I began our relationship.
You seemed a little too cool for me.
I know that sounds weird.
Because I am sure you wouldn't say you were "cool"........but I have always been a girl that would have no idea how to define that word, let alone BE that word.
So........well, you seemed "cool".
But gradually I became used to you, what seemed cool became the norm.
You seemed to be able to go anywhere, appropriate in all situations........fitting in wasn't hard.
So I began to take you to church, out with friends, to dinner, to family gatherings.
And, to be honest, you made me feel pretty.
You made me feel confident.
I loved how I felt when we were together.
I was comfortable.
Suddenly what once was a casual, once in a while relationship grew into something more.
And then..............suddenly............
It turned serious, almost daily.
But today I began to recognize something.
It's not good for me to be with you every day.
That first feeling of comfort and beauty and confidence have given way to something different.
Hmmmm..............how to explain?
The level of comfort you bring had led me to becoming TOO comfortable, to the detriment of the others in my life.
Somehow the others........the ones that I used to have daily, the ones I relied on for dinners and outings and church and more.........well, they were tossed aside for YOU.
My comfort had become unhealthy.
And so I have to say goodbye..........not a forever goodbye, just a for now goodbye......maybe even just a for a day, a week goodbye.
It's not you.
It's me.
For if I don't say goodbye, if I don't begin to remember the ones that came before YOU......well, I won't fit into any of my clothes ever again.
Goodbye, my leggings.
I love that you have gone with me everywhere, expanding my winter wardrobe to include dresses and tunics and easy, breezy winter wear in a way I had never experienced before.
I love that you are the answer to never having to wear hose again.
I love that you are warmth in the cold Ohio winters.
I love that you have a waistband that never digs in, never accuses........but is filled with grace and forgiveness.
I love that you have given me options.
I love you, my leggings,
But I have to wear my jeans again..............to remember.
Remember the pain of a waistband that does NOT forgive.
Remember that there is a time and place for one size fits all..........but that sometimes size does matter and I have one size in my closet and have no desire or cold hard cash to change that size.
Remember that summer is coming.........it always does.......and with summer comes less clothing and while I am at a certain point in life that it's a lot MORE clothing than it use to be.......well, there are still swimming pools and 90 degree weather and my leggings won't be appropriate anymore.......
So...............goodbye to our daily, constant relationship.
And hello to the reality of a life beyond leggings.
I will miss you.
But please remember.........
It's not you.
It's me.
Truly.
I know people say that and it's not sincere or real.
But it really is ME.
When I was first introduced to you..........well, it was with trepidation that I began our relationship.
You seemed a little too cool for me.
I know that sounds weird.
Because I am sure you wouldn't say you were "cool"........but I have always been a girl that would have no idea how to define that word, let alone BE that word.
So........well, you seemed "cool".
But gradually I became used to you, what seemed cool became the norm.
You seemed to be able to go anywhere, appropriate in all situations........fitting in wasn't hard.
So I began to take you to church, out with friends, to dinner, to family gatherings.
And, to be honest, you made me feel pretty.
You made me feel confident.
I loved how I felt when we were together.
I was comfortable.
Suddenly what once was a casual, once in a while relationship grew into something more.
And then..............suddenly............
It turned serious, almost daily.
But today I began to recognize something.
It's not good for me to be with you every day.
That first feeling of comfort and beauty and confidence have given way to something different.
Hmmmm..............how to explain?
The level of comfort you bring had led me to becoming TOO comfortable, to the detriment of the others in my life.
Somehow the others........the ones that I used to have daily, the ones I relied on for dinners and outings and church and more.........well, they were tossed aside for YOU.
My comfort had become unhealthy.
And so I have to say goodbye..........not a forever goodbye, just a for now goodbye......maybe even just a for a day, a week goodbye.
It's not you.
It's me.
For if I don't say goodbye, if I don't begin to remember the ones that came before YOU......well, I won't fit into any of my clothes ever again.
Goodbye, my leggings.
I love that you have gone with me everywhere, expanding my winter wardrobe to include dresses and tunics and easy, breezy winter wear in a way I had never experienced before.
I love that you are the answer to never having to wear hose again.
I love that you are warmth in the cold Ohio winters.
I love that you have a waistband that never digs in, never accuses........but is filled with grace and forgiveness.
I love that you have given me options.
I love you, my leggings,
But I have to wear my jeans again..............to remember.
Remember the pain of a waistband that does NOT forgive.
Remember that there is a time and place for one size fits all..........but that sometimes size does matter and I have one size in my closet and have no desire or cold hard cash to change that size.
Remember that summer is coming.........it always does.......and with summer comes less clothing and while I am at a certain point in life that it's a lot MORE clothing than it use to be.......well, there are still swimming pools and 90 degree weather and my leggings won't be appropriate anymore.......
So...............goodbye to our daily, constant relationship.
And hello to the reality of a life beyond leggings.
I will miss you.
But please remember.........
It's not you.
It's me.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Deja Vu
7:36am - Eyes open..........awake refreshed, having just spent 20-25 minutes drifting in and out of consciousness........thinking, dreaming, praying........hear the sounds of children in the living room (daddy, after having read mommy's blog, threatened that if anyone ever wakes mommy for silly reasons there will be NO KINDLE TIME)
7:37am - Head out to the living room........Francesca asks, "Mommy I didn't lose my Kindle time, did I?" It's seems to be a moot point at this time seeing as how she is playing on the Kindle at that very moment.......but no, no lost Kindle time. See how happy and relaxed mommy can be after 6 hours of sleep?
7:38am - I stroll out to the kitchen to determine what is for breakfast, decide the cereal left over from Christmas (my dad gets the kids each a big cardboard box full of cereal for Christmas because it's not something we usually buy..........don't ask, it's just us........not you :) and the bread from nonna's are good enough for today.
7:39 - 7:42am - I eat a bowl of Rice Krispies while I watch Nico and Francesca getting along, happy, using their Kindle Time together............ahhh, think life is good.
7:43 - 7:46am - Fia stumbles out for a cuddle, she sits on my lap.......I give her kisses and think happy thoughts about how lucky I am.
7:46am - Francesca asks to play a game and I say OF COURSE, let's play a game - I have food in my belly, I have slept, there is no pressure to move quickly, all is well.
7:50am - I hear a child's voice...........ummmm, doesn't someone have grandparents breakfast today?
What? What's that you say?
Grandparents breakfast?
AHHHHHHHHHHH!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING AGAIN!!!!
(I emerge from my blessed, relaxed, happy mommy fog)
GO! GO! GO! NICO!
GET OFF THE KINDLE!!!!
WHERE'S YOUR LUNCH?
GET DRESSED!!!!
I WILL GET YOUR SOCKS!!!!
WHERE'S MY PHONE!?!?! I HAVE TO CALL ZIA MARIA!!!!
MAYBE SHE CAN PICK YOU UP!
OH MY WORD - HOW DID I FORGET AGAIN?!?
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
BRUSH YOUR TEETH!
BRUSH YOUR HAIR!!
(Fia, in the background - "Ok. everyone just has to remember their own breakfast, ok? Just remember when your day is and get ready." She has resigned herself already to a mother that cannot remember anything)
GO! GO! GO!
OK. OK. ZIA MARIA IS HERE!! OUT THE DOOR!!
HAVE FUN!
I LOVE YOU!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!
So...............it happened...........AGAIN. I would like to say I am surprised.
But..........well, I am not.
Just last week it took us five days to remember to put money in Nico's baggie with his tooth.
Tooth fairy fail #1,074.
Our kids don't even bother leaving it under their pillow anymore. They tape their tooth in a baggie on their light switch.
Nico swears the tooth fairy isn't real.......he just wants his money and rolls his eyes each morning as he reminds me that the money STILL ISN'T THERE.
I just tell him to try again tonight.
It isn't bad parenting.
It's called teaching my child delayed gratification.
Oh and responsibility............
Remember your own dang breakfast, kids.
Side note: I learned from the master. My mom? I remember a time in high school........I had a HUGE crush on this boy from school........HUGE. He drove a beat-up, rusted blue pick up truck and was kind of a jerk but could be sweet, at times. Plus he was an under dog.
I was a stupid girl.
ANYWAY................HUGE crush. BUT.........not an unlikely scenario, you know?
I come home. My mom says.........GUESS WHO CALLED?
My heart stopped beating. OH MY WORD. HE CALLED!!!!
I wait. I try to act casual. Ummm........who?
NO ONE she says. She laughs.
The cruelty almost takes your breathe away, doesn't it?
I love that story. It's probably the one time in life my mom messed with me like that and it makes me cackle every time I tell it -1) because it's funny and 2) because it horrifies my mom :)
7:37am - Head out to the living room........Francesca asks, "Mommy I didn't lose my Kindle time, did I?" It's seems to be a moot point at this time seeing as how she is playing on the Kindle at that very moment.......but no, no lost Kindle time. See how happy and relaxed mommy can be after 6 hours of sleep?
7:38am - I stroll out to the kitchen to determine what is for breakfast, decide the cereal left over from Christmas (my dad gets the kids each a big cardboard box full of cereal for Christmas because it's not something we usually buy..........don't ask, it's just us........not you :) and the bread from nonna's are good enough for today.
7:39 - 7:42am - I eat a bowl of Rice Krispies while I watch Nico and Francesca getting along, happy, using their Kindle Time together............ahhh, think life is good.
7:43 - 7:46am - Fia stumbles out for a cuddle, she sits on my lap.......I give her kisses and think happy thoughts about how lucky I am.
7:46am - Francesca asks to play a game and I say OF COURSE, let's play a game - I have food in my belly, I have slept, there is no pressure to move quickly, all is well.
7:50am - I hear a child's voice...........ummmm, doesn't someone have grandparents breakfast today?
What? What's that you say?
Grandparents breakfast?
AHHHHHHHHHHH!! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING AGAIN!!!!
(I emerge from my blessed, relaxed, happy mommy fog)
GO! GO! GO! NICO!
GET OFF THE KINDLE!!!!
WHERE'S YOUR LUNCH?
GET DRESSED!!!!
I WILL GET YOUR SOCKS!!!!
WHERE'S MY PHONE!?!?! I HAVE TO CALL ZIA MARIA!!!!
MAYBE SHE CAN PICK YOU UP!
OH MY WORD - HOW DID I FORGET AGAIN?!?
HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?
BRUSH YOUR TEETH!
BRUSH YOUR HAIR!!
(Fia, in the background - "Ok. everyone just has to remember their own breakfast, ok? Just remember when your day is and get ready." She has resigned herself already to a mother that cannot remember anything)
GO! GO! GO!
OK. OK. ZIA MARIA IS HERE!! OUT THE DOOR!!
HAVE FUN!
I LOVE YOU!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!
So...............it happened...........AGAIN. I would like to say I am surprised.
But..........well, I am not.
Just last week it took us five days to remember to put money in Nico's baggie with his tooth.
Tooth fairy fail #1,074.
Our kids don't even bother leaving it under their pillow anymore. They tape their tooth in a baggie on their light switch.
Nico swears the tooth fairy isn't real.......he just wants his money and rolls his eyes each morning as he reminds me that the money STILL ISN'T THERE.
I just tell him to try again tonight.
It isn't bad parenting.
It's called teaching my child delayed gratification.
Oh and responsibility............
Remember your own dang breakfast, kids.
Side note: I learned from the master. My mom? I remember a time in high school........I had a HUGE crush on this boy from school........HUGE. He drove a beat-up, rusted blue pick up truck and was kind of a jerk but could be sweet, at times. Plus he was an under dog.
I was a stupid girl.
ANYWAY................HUGE crush. BUT.........not an unlikely scenario, you know?
I come home. My mom says.........GUESS WHO CALLED?
My heart stopped beating. OH MY WORD. HE CALLED!!!!
I wait. I try to act casual. Ummm........who?
NO ONE she says. She laughs.
The cruelty almost takes your breathe away, doesn't it?
I love that story. It's probably the one time in life my mom messed with me like that and it makes me cackle every time I tell it -1) because it's funny and 2) because it horrifies my mom :)
Monday, January 26, 2015
Can't make this stuff up
7:36am - Whole body flails in bed, my eyes pop open to a child standing next to my bed.
It was a rude awakening to the day for a rude reason.........her Kindle time IS NOT up because she just started and HAS NOT used 30 minutes yet.
Apparently I had forgotten the world does not revolve around my need for sleep (I had just gotten to sleep 2 and a half hours prior........) and I need to pay attention to KINDLE TIME.
I asked for 5 more minutes.
7:37am - Pray for time to stop.
7:38am - Hopeful that it is still 7:37am.
7:39am - No such luck.
7:40am - Time keeps moving............shut my eyes to the inevitable.
7:42am - Belatedly stumble out to the living room and am greeted by my love on the Kindle, happily zoned out on some Smurf game. I mumble something about making breakfast.
7:44am - Francesca stumbles out.......goes in for a cuddle and a hug while I am attempting to put together enough thoughts as to what we will be having for breakfast.......but AHHHH.......gets sidetracked by the screen in the living room and goes to sit next to Fia.
7:45am - The little man stumbles out, eyes shut, seeking the softest surface to land on and mumbles I get Kindle next............
(( Thank goodness for Amazon Free Time which manages the kid's time on their shared Kindle every day........30 minutes and it shuts them out..........no arguments, no whining, no nothing...........it is quite possibly the best gift we have ever given them for Christmas..........................))
7:50am - I heat things up for pancakes and eggs - coconut oil in the pan, a little butter on the griddle, get out the ingredients and over hear this........"who's breakfast is it today? who gets grandparents day today?.........."
WHAT!?!? WHAT!?!?!? WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!?!
Kids from the living room..........grandparents day. Remember? Breakfast with grandma and grandpa?
WHAT!?!?!? THE ONE AT 8 O'CLOCK?!?!?!?!?!
GO! GO! GO! GO!
7:50 - 8:00am - It's a blur of activity.
GO!!! FRANCESCA!!! GO!!! GET DRESSED!!
FIA!! WHY ON YOU STILL ON THE KINDLE!! GET OFF AND HELP YOUR SISTER!!
OH MY GOSH WE HAVE TO BE AT THE SCHOOL IN 10 MINUTES - NO ONE IS DRESSED!!! WE NEED FRANCESCA'S BOOKBAG AND LUNCH AND WE NEED TO GET HER READY!!!!
NICO!!! NO YOU DON'T GET TO BE ON THE KINDLE!!!
BRUSH YOUR HAIR!!!
FIA!! HELP HER BRUSH HER HAIR!!
GET ON SOCKS AND BOOTS!!
NO YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE DRESSED JUST GO!!!
YES! NICO YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE RIGHT COAT - DON'T WEAR YOUR SISTER'S COAT!
OH MY GOSH! I NEED PANTS!! JUST WAIT I HAVE TO GET PANTS!!
OK!! GO! GO! GO!
GET IN THE CAR!!!
OH NO! THE DOOR IS FROZEN SHUT - IN THROUGH THE FRONT! OH MY WORD IT IS COLD!!!
8:00am - (((SIGH))) Ok. We made it.
Ummm.............
It is really slippery.
But we made it.
8:03am - (We pull up to the school.) Um.........hmmm..........(Mr. Bob is putting ice on the sidewalk and a plow is just pulling up to the COVERED parking lot. The covered EMPTY parking lot.)
Well...................it looks like there is no school.
Huh.
8:05am - Back home to pancakes, eggs and orange slices.
Just another day in the Codispoti house.
It was a rude awakening to the day for a rude reason.........her Kindle time IS NOT up because she just started and HAS NOT used 30 minutes yet.
Apparently I had forgotten the world does not revolve around my need for sleep (I had just gotten to sleep 2 and a half hours prior........) and I need to pay attention to KINDLE TIME.
I asked for 5 more minutes.
7:37am - Pray for time to stop.
7:38am - Hopeful that it is still 7:37am.
7:39am - No such luck.
7:40am - Time keeps moving............shut my eyes to the inevitable.
7:42am - Belatedly stumble out to the living room and am greeted by my love on the Kindle, happily zoned out on some Smurf game. I mumble something about making breakfast.
7:44am - Francesca stumbles out.......goes in for a cuddle and a hug while I am attempting to put together enough thoughts as to what we will be having for breakfast.......but AHHHH.......gets sidetracked by the screen in the living room and goes to sit next to Fia.
7:45am - The little man stumbles out, eyes shut, seeking the softest surface to land on and mumbles I get Kindle next............
(( Thank goodness for Amazon Free Time which manages the kid's time on their shared Kindle every day........30 minutes and it shuts them out..........no arguments, no whining, no nothing...........it is quite possibly the best gift we have ever given them for Christmas..........................))
7:50am - I heat things up for pancakes and eggs - coconut oil in the pan, a little butter on the griddle, get out the ingredients and over hear this........"who's breakfast is it today? who gets grandparents day today?.........."
WHAT!?!? WHAT!?!?!? WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!?!?!
Kids from the living room..........grandparents day. Remember? Breakfast with grandma and grandpa?
WHAT!?!?!? THE ONE AT 8 O'CLOCK?!?!?!?!?!
GO! GO! GO! GO!
7:50 - 8:00am - It's a blur of activity.
GO!!! FRANCESCA!!! GO!!! GET DRESSED!!
FIA!! WHY ON YOU STILL ON THE KINDLE!! GET OFF AND HELP YOUR SISTER!!
OH MY GOSH WE HAVE TO BE AT THE SCHOOL IN 10 MINUTES - NO ONE IS DRESSED!!! WE NEED FRANCESCA'S BOOKBAG AND LUNCH AND WE NEED TO GET HER READY!!!!
NICO!!! NO YOU DON'T GET TO BE ON THE KINDLE!!!
BRUSH YOUR HAIR!!!
FIA!! HELP HER BRUSH HER HAIR!!
GET ON SOCKS AND BOOTS!!
NO YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE DRESSED JUST GO!!!
YES! NICO YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE RIGHT COAT - DON'T WEAR YOUR SISTER'S COAT!
OH MY GOSH! I NEED PANTS!! JUST WAIT I HAVE TO GET PANTS!!
OK!! GO! GO! GO!
GET IN THE CAR!!!
OH NO! THE DOOR IS FROZEN SHUT - IN THROUGH THE FRONT! OH MY WORD IT IS COLD!!!
8:00am - (((SIGH))) Ok. We made it.
Ummm.............
It is really slippery.
But we made it.
8:03am - (We pull up to the school.) Um.........hmmm..........(Mr. Bob is putting ice on the sidewalk and a plow is just pulling up to the COVERED parking lot. The covered EMPTY parking lot.)
Well...................it looks like there is no school.
Huh.
8:05am - Back home to pancakes, eggs and orange slices.
Just another day in the Codispoti house.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Back
Some days I want to go back.
I want to go back to the not knowing.
I want to go back to the days of innocence, the days of guarantees.
I want to submerge myself in the here and now and not think of the tomorrows.
I want to unknow what I know, I want to unsee what I have seen, I want to erase images that are seared on my mind.
Information is a dangerous thing.
Stories and lives are powerful things to peek in on, to witness from afar.
We live in a world of information.
But some days I want to go back.
I want to go back to the not knowing.
My boy came in last night, not able to sleep.
We were always strict NOT IN MY BED parents, here in this house.............back in the days of innocence and guarantees.
Last night I said...............crawl in and we slept side by side, an arm dangling over a waist, a leg intertwined, a head curved into a shoulder...........it was a guarantee for the night.
How I want to hold him forever.
For there was a boy. Not one I even know. Rather one I read about in a blog and then followed on Facebook and through Google found information on.
It's been a few days now. Days which I have followed his story, peeked in on his mom. One mom checking in on another, anxious at the outcome.........hoping........maybe? Wishing for something to happen that never will.......but wishing all the same.
This age of information is a tricky one.
It lead me to this story, this mom and her son but not to the ending I wanted.
He died last night.
Thirteen years old.
A soccer player.
Big smile, big cheeks.
Loved by his brother and family.
A brain tumor snatched him from this life.
Today is a day I want to go back.
Back to the not knowing, the innocence, the guarantees.
I want to go back.
I want to go back to the not knowing.
I want to go back to the days of innocence, the days of guarantees.
I want to submerge myself in the here and now and not think of the tomorrows.
I want to unknow what I know, I want to unsee what I have seen, I want to erase images that are seared on my mind.
Information is a dangerous thing.
Stories and lives are powerful things to peek in on, to witness from afar.
We live in a world of information.
But some days I want to go back.
I want to go back to the not knowing.
My boy came in last night, not able to sleep.
We were always strict NOT IN MY BED parents, here in this house.............back in the days of innocence and guarantees.
Last night I said...............crawl in and we slept side by side, an arm dangling over a waist, a leg intertwined, a head curved into a shoulder...........it was a guarantee for the night.
How I want to hold him forever.
For there was a boy. Not one I even know. Rather one I read about in a blog and then followed on Facebook and through Google found information on.
It's been a few days now. Days which I have followed his story, peeked in on his mom. One mom checking in on another, anxious at the outcome.........hoping........maybe? Wishing for something to happen that never will.......but wishing all the same.
This age of information is a tricky one.
It lead me to this story, this mom and her son but not to the ending I wanted.
He died last night.
Thirteen years old.
A soccer player.
Big smile, big cheeks.
Loved by his brother and family.
A brain tumor snatched him from this life.
Today is a day I want to go back.
Back to the not knowing, the innocence, the guarantees.
I want to go back.
Friday, December 5, 2014
Don't Miss It
So I have mentioned before...........THE JOB.
I love it.
The mom job, of course. But also the churchy job.
I still default and tell people that I am a mom a lot of the time when they ask me what I do.
I don't know why.
I think I value more what I do with my kids than what I do with the outside world.
I think that I feel more "me" as a mom than I do as anything else.
I don't know.
But I do get to meet some amazing people as the result of my job.
People who bless me with their words, with their work, with their life.
Today I got to meet one of those people.
20 years he has worked in this world, it's a family thing. Passed on from father to son.
He has a passion for serving people.
He has a knowledge of this area and talks of the city with care.
He realizes the need to educate people. He said that his goal is NOT to keep on meeting with the same people over and over again, enabling them but his goal is to educate and help them and have them not rely so heavily on him, rather they will have learned to help themselves.
He told me he is on call - 24 hours a day. That we could call him at midnight. He might be groggy and not as coherent but that he would answer and be ready to help.
He's not taking Christmas off.
He said people are just as vulnerable in the city on Christmas day as any other day - he has a responsibility to them.
He spoke with such an earnestness and passion.
He took more time than he needed to explain things, to teach me. He went through detail upon detail.
At one point I knew that he had something hard to say and he took such care to be kind.
I was just in awe of this guy.
It was an unexpected gift to my day.
Oh........
And who was the guy, you ask?
Randy, the Roto-Rooter guy.
I was standing there in my ancient Ugg boots, an old bulky blue bathrobe and my dirty winter coat being taken to church by my plumber.
My job?
It's flexible.
I got to stay home for a service call.
Good thing I didn't go to church that day.
I would have missed the message.
I love it.
The mom job, of course. But also the churchy job.
I still default and tell people that I am a mom a lot of the time when they ask me what I do.
I don't know why.
I think I value more what I do with my kids than what I do with the outside world.
I think that I feel more "me" as a mom than I do as anything else.
I don't know.
But I do get to meet some amazing people as the result of my job.
People who bless me with their words, with their work, with their life.
Today I got to meet one of those people.
20 years he has worked in this world, it's a family thing. Passed on from father to son.
He has a passion for serving people.
He has a knowledge of this area and talks of the city with care.
He realizes the need to educate people. He said that his goal is NOT to keep on meeting with the same people over and over again, enabling them but his goal is to educate and help them and have them not rely so heavily on him, rather they will have learned to help themselves.
He told me he is on call - 24 hours a day. That we could call him at midnight. He might be groggy and not as coherent but that he would answer and be ready to help.
He's not taking Christmas off.
He said people are just as vulnerable in the city on Christmas day as any other day - he has a responsibility to them.
He spoke with such an earnestness and passion.
He took more time than he needed to explain things, to teach me. He went through detail upon detail.
At one point I knew that he had something hard to say and he took such care to be kind.
I was just in awe of this guy.
It was an unexpected gift to my day.
Oh........
And who was the guy, you ask?
Randy, the Roto-Rooter guy.
I was standing there in my ancient Ugg boots, an old bulky blue bathrobe and my dirty winter coat being taken to church by my plumber.
My job?
It's flexible.
I got to stay home for a service call.
Good thing I didn't go to church that day.
I would have missed the message.
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