Thank you!

I feel like someone must have been praying for me!  This morning at 5:30 when Nico started to stir I reflexively turned to God for help.  It was the first time in awhile that my first thought turned to God and not to......why oh why can't you sleep?  Amazingly, he stayed pretty quiet until 6:00 (which in our house is the magical time).  I got up and was happy to be up, I got an extra half hour of cuddle time with my hubby, I started my day with prayer (or pleading whichever you prefer to call it!) and I still threw up BUT not before I had already gone to the bathroom so no pee on the floor!  All in all a good way to start the day!  

Authenticity

So I feel the need to share with you not only my funnies, my "bad mommy" moments and other such nonsense but the real stuff.  These past few weeks I feel as if the real stuff has been hitting me full force in a way that hasn't happened in a long time.  It's been so hard to keep afloat.  I have felt so sick in such a continuous manner that I have felt overwhelmed and almost close to tears because I have forgotten what it feels like to just feel normal.  I have been unable to keep up with my regular pace, my regular household duties/extras and unable to keep up with the demands of being a good wife/mom.  I have felt on mornings that I do not want to get out of bed, that I can't possibly face the day but yet, of course, had to get up and do my job.  The worst part of it has been that I feel as if God is right there wanting to help me wanting to comfort me but I haven't been able to reach him.  On good days, and even so-so days, I get out my verses on note cards, my devotional, my Bible and do a little reading, I pray and I feel so much better.  But on bad days I just want to get out of myself, I read novels, I sleep, I watch TV, anything to not think.  I feel so far from him.  And unfortunately it seems as if the bad days outnumber the good days.  I think I have come to a turning point, though.  The last few days have been ok.  Not great, but doable and I have felt more positive than I have in weeks.   I am hoping this is the end of the worst.  I just wanted to share so that you know and I can't pretend that everything is all sunny days all the time.  Even now I just want to delete this because it is embarrassing to admit that I haven't been all giggles and sunshine lately but I feel it's important to be authentic (Yes, Candace, totally stole that from this past Sunday's sermon) with those around you whom you love and share life with.

The musings (ie whining) of a pregnant woman

There will be a lot of information shared here and if you are one that gets queasy stop ready now. Last Tuesday (a few days after my miracle drug had been prescribed and found NOT to be quite the wonder drug I was hoping for) I was engaged in a battle - a battle to rid my body of excess waste.  I have never been a "regular" person anyway but add a ton more iron to my daily diet and well, it's not pretty.  As I shared with a friend I pushed longer to have a bm than I did with the birth of either of my children.  And that is where the whole ugly story begins...............

Thankfully it went down when I flushed about 15 minutes later but I didn't stick around to see exactly what the water level was like.  I figured Joe could deal with it later if there was a problem, I was feeling pretty sick.  So that night Joe and FIa were gone and I was hanging with Nico.  I put him to bed early and went to bed myself, I was done.  That night about 2AM I get up dry heaving in bed, I run to the bathroom and there are wet, slightly dirty towels all over the floor.  I run to the toilet and quickly realize that I will not be throwing up in there!  I dry heave a bit longer into the sink, just in case.  After I get back in bed I ask Joe (very innocently) what on earth happened in the bathroom?  Apparently.....the toilet overflowed....hmmmmm.  He worked on it for over an hour and couldn't get it unclogged.  

The next morning we get out of bed and I have on a nightgown and a sweatshirt thrown over top....sans underwear.  I hate wearing clothing when I go to bed so I just throw on whatever is next to the bed in the morning.  I am sitting with Nico on the couch and feel sick again.  I run to the kitchen and start to dry heave in the sink (again I think maybe something will come up), but no something comes out.............I begin to pee all over the kitchen floor.  Keep in mind, no underwear and this is the first pee since 7:00 last night.  Yeah, I thought I was going to have to build an ark to get out of the kitchen.  

Luckily, my dad is at home because I was so sick, the bathroom was a mess with the toilet still clogged and Joe had to go to school.  Dad took the kids for the day, I unclogged the toilet with a WONDERFUL product at the Busy Beaver (CLR thingy with this power plunger thing, it whooshed and unclogged the thing in 2 seconds) and got some much needed rest.  

I am at 12 weeks tomorrow..........I am hoping that will be the magical day and this will be the end.  Be thinking of me.......I think that it will be a good day tomorrow!

Confessions of a Bad Mommy #8

1.  I read two entire books yesterday............yes, I was sick but still.......two books.  It almost made being sick worth it.

2.  I dusted TWO rooms last week.  Yes, that does mean that there are still three rooms that haven't been dusted since June........it's a work in progress.

3.  I thank the good Lord that we have a house that's what? 1100 sq. ft. or something like that (I could be off by a few hundred feet) because I cannot possibly think about cleaning a bigger house.  I would rather stuff my kids in bunkbeds stacked to the ceiling than have to worry about another room.  Oh, and another bathroom?  No thank you.

4. I change my sheets way too infrequently to even tell you exactly. It's embarrassing, even for me, so you know how bad it is.  

I am trying to be better about it. Seriously, I am.

5. I let my kids watch an hour of TV in the mornings now. I justify this because I feel so crappy, we can't go outside

to play and I only let them watch 10-15 minutes before nap. It still makes me feel like a horrible mom, though, 

on an almost daily basis. I keep telling myself that as soon as I can get my act together I will cut it back down to 30 minutes

but right now I look forward to that hour when I can take a shower and lay like a lump on the couch

feeling sorry for my nauseous self.

6. Every morning when I get up I think about the two whole days and nights that Joe and I will be spending

in a cabin the 14th-16th and I think I can get through the day because for two whole mornings I will

be able to sleep past 6 if I want.

I'm Back! Hopefully...........

Well, it was a rough couple of weeks ending in my calling my husband at work yesterday to COME HOME!  I had thrown up a couple of times, felt really dizzy, fell at one point as I was getting Fia out of bed and was just done.  He made me call the doctor and she said either I go to the emergency room to get an IV or get some meds.  I opted for the meds and seem to be doing better today.  I am hoping this is the last of the really, really crappy stuff.  Joe has been AWESOME about all this and I couldn't hope for a better husband.  I learned that a lot of stuff can be let go (the house hasn't always been as clean, the meals aren't gourmet and things aren't laid out the night before).  I think that God, with this pregnancy, is preparing me for the third child.  Nico was a pretty easy addition.  He didn't fuss too much, he settled into a nice little schedule that followed very nicely with Fia's and I always had free time during the day.  The sleep thing bothered me.......that need to eat in the middle of the night is so very annoying but all in all an easy addition.  I have a feeling with number three things will be a bit more harried and not as easy.  It's good I learn to let things go now......................