Monday, February 23, 2009
So I feel the need to share with you not only my funnies, my "bad mommy" moments and other such nonsense but the real stuff. These past few weeks I feel as if the real stuff has been hitting me full force in a way that hasn't happened in a long time. It's been so hard to keep afloat. I have felt so sick in such a continuous manner that I have felt overwhelmed and almost close to tears because I have forgotten what it feels like to just feel normal. I have been unable to keep up with my regular pace, my regular household duties/extras and unable to keep up with the demands of being a good wife/mom. I have felt on mornings that I do not want to get out of bed, that I can't possibly face the day but yet, of course, had to get up and do my job. The worst part of it has been that I feel as if God is right there wanting to help me wanting to comfort me but I haven't been able to reach him. On good days, and even so-so days, I get out my verses on note cards, my devotional, my Bible and do a little reading, I pray and I feel so much better. But on bad days I just want to get out of myself, I read novels, I sleep, I watch TV, anything to not think. I feel so far from him. And unfortunately it seems as if the bad days outnumber the good days. I think I have come to a turning point, though. The last few days have been ok. Not great, but doable and I have felt more positive than I have in weeks. I am hoping this is the end of the worst. I just wanted to share so that you know and I can't pretend that everything is all sunny days all the time. Even now I just want to delete this because it is embarrassing to admit that I haven't been all giggles and sunshine lately but I feel it's important to be authentic (Yes, Candace, totally stole that from this past Sunday's sermon) with those around you whom you love and share life with.