Monday, February 23, 2009


So I feel the need to share with you not only my funnies, my "bad mommy" moments and other such nonsense but the real stuff.  These past few weeks I feel as if the real stuff has been hitting me full force in a way that hasn't happened in a long time.  It's been so hard to keep afloat.  I have felt so sick in such a continuous manner that I have felt overwhelmed and almost close to tears because I have forgotten what it feels like to just feel normal.  I have been unable to keep up with my regular pace, my regular household duties/extras and unable to keep up with the demands of being a good wife/mom.  I have felt on mornings that I do not want to get out of bed, that I can't possibly face the day but yet, of course, had to get up and do my job.  The worst part of it has been that I feel as if God is right there wanting to help me wanting to comfort me but I haven't been able to reach him.  On good days, and even so-so days, I get out my verses on note cards, my devotional, my Bible and do a little reading, I pray and I feel so much better.  But on bad days I just want to get out of myself, I read novels, I sleep, I watch TV, anything to not think.  I feel so far from him.  And unfortunately it seems as if the bad days outnumber the good days.  I think I have come to a turning point, though.  The last few days have been ok.  Not great, but doable and I have felt more positive than I have in weeks.   I am hoping this is the end of the worst.  I just wanted to share so that you know and I can't pretend that everything is all sunny days all the time.  Even now I just want to delete this because it is embarrassing to admit that I haven't been all giggles and sunshine lately but I feel it's important to be authentic (Yes, Candace, totally stole that from this past Sunday's sermon) with those around you whom you love and share life with.

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