I was a wreck.
I was worried because I was breastfeeding and pumping was not going well (Joe stood behind me with a hand pump and pumped like you wouldn't believe to get out a few drops.....can you imagine these things when you are dating or just married? That someday you will stand behind your beautiful bride while she has a piece of plastic attached to her nipple and you would be squeezing this plastic piece of equipment so that you can feed your screaming, starving newborn.....). Now if you are insecure and new at this mothering thing the prospect of giving a bottle to your then breastfeeding infant is something akin to setting their hair on fire, injecting them with heroin or other such things. This is something that nurses, websites, other mothers warn you about.........NIPPLE REJECTION. If a bottle touches your baby's sweet lips than WATCH OUT......NIPPLE REJECTION.......she will NEVER again nurse on your breast because she has had the goodness of a bottle.
Add to this I hadn't slept in three weeks and I had to fit into some sort of wedding clothes so that I could see all these family members and friends that had gathered for this happy occasion (mall shopping with a 2 week old was SO fun - again, a screaming, angry, HUNGRY infant - nursed in a tiny dressing room in Dillard's while staring in a mirror at my post baby body - SO PRETTY, I guess the tears running down my face didn't help matters at all.......). Plus I was pretty sure that Fia was torturing my mother-in-law for the 2 hours we were gone.
We ran home after the ceremony, nursed her and went to the reception - things were good while she was sleeping...then the beast awoke. It was ok but then we had to admit defeat and take her back home to Sharon. We went back to the wedding reception and, may God and my brother and sweet sister-in-law forgive me, all I wanted to do was curl up on a couch and sleep.
We left her sporadically over the next few months with the grandparents. Zia Maria made the short list, too. But other than that we were the caregivers. It was impossible to think of leaving her with anyone else...........how would she do without us? Who could we trust besides Zia Maria and Grandma Goats, my mom, my dad, nana? No one.
Five years later, 2 more kids and a lot more sleepless nights later...............this is who babysat Friday night for us. No list was left, no instructions typed out, nothing laid out, just see you later, THANK YOU SO MUCH I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE SO NICE TO DO THIS FOR US.....
Neighbor Steve and Joe, my hubby
** On a side note - neighbor Steve is a TREASURED neighbor, as is his wife Yumiko. Nico's first word was "TEVE!" He would yell this in the backyard and try to make a break for Steve's house whenever possible when he was about 18 months old. All the children LOVE Steve and Yumiko - at this point in the game we worry more about the sitter than the kids.