Drowning........

Sometimes there is no joy.


Joy eludes you.


Joy is lost.


Joy has disappeared.


And you are drowning..................


And we fight that feeling, those of us who are joy-givers, joy-seekers, joy-creators........because who are we if we do not have joy?  What is our faith based on if not joy?  What is our life full of if not joy?

WHO ARE WE IF WE DO NOT HAVE JOY?

This drowning is especially painful for those of us who live in joy.

And so we fight it.  We kick and scream and fight against this drowning and we feel desperate and without foundation.   And there is God and scripture and friends and family and prayer and we wonder why do we still feel this way?  Is it okay to feel this way?  And inside our head is every bible verse ever quoted to us and every prayer ever uttered and thought of knowing truth and what that means......life everlasting, new bodies, being reunited one day, living life with JESUS.

BUT FOR TODAY, FOR NOW.............I DON'T CARE.

I want my joy back.

I want my baby back.

I want my life back.

And so we fight, we want desperately just to breathe that air that seems out of reach and up above.

But what I want you to hear, what I want you to know........today?

Today I want you to hear, I want you to know that it's ok.

That to not be joyful is ok.  This doesn't speak to your faith, to who you are, to who you will be, it speaks of what is happening right now.  And the more you fight it, the more you kick and scream and rebel against this sorrow and disbelief the more tired and defeated you will become.

Let yourself sink into it, sink into the pain and the loss and the sorrow.........let the waters envelop you, cry every tear, scream out every thought, rage but don't fight not having joy.  It will come again.  It's who He made you to be...............but not all the time, every day, every moment.  It's ok.

For now float along, let yourself drift, be carried along by others, by Him.