Monday, July 16, 2012

My Dear Ones

I sit at church, on my hard folding chair, hearing the buzz of the old metal fans working too hard to do too big of a job.  It's hot and stuffy and people fill the room.

The preaching is fierce, the words bigger than the man who speaks them.  There are tears and there is weight to the words, these words from God.

The air is heavy with the heat but also heavy with the words.  The words are transforming the lives of the people within this building.  There is an energy, an awareness that comes only from Him.

I feel the weight of these words and while they are life-giving and reverent and mighty, I feel the weight of me.  I feel the weight of things I am not proud of, times when I did not live up to these words, I did not live up to what I want for my life.  I want to be better, I want to be more, I want to be the person He created me to be.

I hang my head.  I raise my heart to His, I ask forgiveness.  I weep.  I sink into my own despair.  It is mine, not His....

For in this hot, God-filled room surrounded by people I love I hear His voice..........

MY DEAR ONE.........MY DEAR ONE................

I hear a voice, not of condemnation, but one filled with love, filled with the power of One who sees me beyond my own despair and my guilt and my inadequacies and I hear a voice of Love.  I hear a voice of beauty.  I hear a voice that causes me to stand and walk to the front.  I go to take the bread and the cup, knowing that all is washed away.  That I no longer need to hang my head, I no longer need to weep, I no longer need to take on all that he already took on.  He is life-giving.  He is mighty.

MY DEAR ONE.........MY DEAR ONE................

I love that in this reverent moment, in this moment where I was in a crowded room but so entirely still and alone He spoke only to my heart.  He knew what I needed.

I have been wrestling with a question.  A big question.  I don't know the answer yet.  I am not even sure if I want to know the answer.  I am in need of guidance, a clear word on what He desires for my life.   Either way it goes, it entails a sacrifice.  A sacrifice of what I thought life was going to look like or a sacrifice of a different sort, a sacrifice of time and energy and a pause in what we are doing currently.

What is the answer?

Where is it to be found?

Is there a right or wrong?

I don't know.

But I know one thing......................

I am His.

Outside of whether or not we foster a child or we foster families.




I am His DEAR ONE.

And because I know this, because He spoke this to my very heart........I can speak it to others.

Whether it be one or many.

I can look into the eyes of women who are tired and frustrated and lonely and lost and scared and say....

You are LOVED.



You are His DEAR ONES.

Do you hear me?  You have been heavy on my women who are so much, do so much and mean so much.   Those of you with a child who test the limits, those of you who fear the future and what it might look like, those of you without a home, those of you with lost children, those of you who feel as if you have failed, those of you who want to quit.................

He's speaking to you.

Close your eyes.

Hear His words.

Feel His presence.

MY DEAR ONES...............MY DEAR ONES.........................


Anonymous said...

mmmmm. My heart needed this... Sunday's sermon was something my heart needed to hear, but it resists it so much... it's weird how things work. I love this though.

mandyc said...

You were one of the ones on my heart as I was writing this, MY DEAR ONE :)

Anonymous said...

mmmm.... that makes my heart swell...and my eyes a little misty. in a good way.

Anonymous said...

Yo, we should hang out sometime. Just a thought. And I feel weird writing more than once on your comments on the same post. Lol