Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The Opening

My laundry pile brought me to my knees a few weeks ago.  I was folding and folding and folding.  It was in the midst of the sickness and the vomiting and the seemingly endless parade of sheets and blankets and pajamas and it brought tears to my eyes.

I was so grateful.

I had to stop for a moment.  I thanked God for the luxury of having a washer and dryer.  I thanked Him for numerous sheets that could be slipped on and off beds - always there are clean sheets to replace the old.  I thanked Him for doctors on call, for medicine bought with ease.  I thanked Him for kids who are guaranteed to get better after a few days.

It overwhelmed me - this gratitude that I felt, I had to cry.

I felt so blessed.

Where did this come from?  This feeling of gratitude in the middle of one of my most dreaded tasks, a task that had become almost endless in those days where everyone wasn't feeling well?  I believe that God has laid on my heart and spread out before my very eyes His people, His loved ones.  I believe that He has given me an awareness of how very blessed we are, how much we have been given.  There is such ease in our lives.  

What lays before my family, before me is the question of what to do with this awareness?

I believe that this is a first step, this eye opening, opening my eyes to all His people and His love for them.  What comes next is to be seen.  It's a little scary to realize that you aren't the center of your world, that things will be expected of you that are uncomfortable, things that stretch you and move you out of your safe place.  I have spent a little time saying no and it's not time and that's just not me.  Some of the time I believe that I am not holy enough, not good enough, I don't know enough to speak to people about matters of faith (and no this area of the world, in your computer, doesn't count :)  I figure you don't have to read it and I confess often enough of my faults that you know to accept everything with a grain of salt:)

But then I remember the Bible greats and I laugh.  I laugh because the first time I read of anyone saying no to God I COULD NOT believe that anyone would come out and say that to God.  I mean who on earth did Moses think he was?  If God was asking, he should be accepting!   I had thought if it were me I would be picking up that staff and marching to Egypt.

Yeah, not so much.

I have denied God on many occasions, occasions when He was asking me to do far less than confront a pharaoh, part a sea and lead a people.  So He led me down this path, this quiet meandering path where life has been good and slow and filled with so much.  He loved me, He guided me to places where I was loved and I was taught and I was shown His love.  He has been nurturing me, teaching me, giving me experiences to lead me to this point in life.  He then forced my eyes open.  And now I am here.

Eyes open.

Heart open.

Arms open.

Yes, Lord.

The answer is yes.

Fill my eyes, let me see where I am needed.

Fill my heart with Your love so it may be poured out on and into Your people.

Fill my arms, Lord, fill my arms with your children.

1 comment:

You Can Call Me Jane said...

Oh, dear woman. This post touched me. I have had this same feeling wash over me and, oh, what a joy it is. Thank you for sharing. If only we (and by "we" I mean *I*) could live in this feeling and moment at all times. It's a goal I have but so often trip myself up from keeping hold of it.