COMPELLED

This blog started in the winter of 2008..........with a post about "Letter of the Week - Kk".  I have no idea what compelled me to think that I should write anything, much less post it on a public space.  Well, yes, I do.  It was my husband.

What a gift that is, huh?

Someone who believes and sees in you something you don't or don't have the courage to see, at least.

And to be honest this blog started even before that.  I was at home, with a baby, and was a bit lonely and had no outlet for who I was, whoever that was.........I was a teacher without a classroom, a creator without anything to create and I needed something, somewhere I could just lose myself that didn't involve dirty diapers, making food or entertaining wee babies..........so I wrote a newsletter.

Yeah, I'm that old.

And it's what I knew.

I used to teach first grade, we had newsletters each week and so I created a newsletter.

I wrote a few of them, used to drive them around to my friends houses to deliver them.

It was fun.

It was a way of connecting, a way of doing something I loved.

And it's funny to look back at what I wrote.

And it's a reminder.

Sometimes it's scary to admit what we love, who we think we are, what we think we have to offer.

And what we have to offer at first?

It doesn't seem like much.

I had one or two people read my blog posts in 2008 and 2009.

And to be honest, thank you, you one or people because they weren't pretty or interesting and I even deleted some of them because I thought.......OH MY GOSH WHAT IF SOMEONE ACTUALLY GOES BACK AND READS THESE?

Then I stopped.

Because it's crazy to go back and try to erase who I was in an effort to be who I am.  Because who I was enabled me to become who I am.

And it's such a reminder.

It's a reminder to me as I am once again in a season of growth, a season of searching, a season of becoming to be reminded what can happen when we take the chance in stepping out, when we take the chance of daring ourselves to be something new, something different, something more...................

That something, indeed, can happen.

That where we start is not where we end.

And hear this:

It's not always about the numbers, either.  The results.

Because you can get lost in comparison.  You can get lost in others are better, why should I bother.

I went from 1-2 readers to an average of 50-60, with some posts numbering much higher because of the subject matter.

This is NOTHING in the blog world.

But does that mean I am nothing?

Does that mean it doesn't matter?

No.

Because the one mattered.

And sometimes I think that the ONE was me and is me.

It's not about the following but the developing.

And who God is developing me to be.

The more I listen and am obedient to who He created me to be than the more I am able to reach out and touch the lives of others.

But if I start to focus on MY following more than HIS following than I lose the purpose for it all.

Maybe 6 years from now I will have 100 readers to the 50 I have today but more importantly I hope 6 years from now when I read a long ago post I can see the changes that God has worked in me, I can see who I am now but more importantly who I was becoming............

Who are you becoming?

Where do you need to step out - not to because you are great at it or are the best at it but because you feel COMPELLED to?

What is God compelling you to?