Here I am..........again.........
Awake when it's still dark and way too early and my mind is racing and my body is already tired from all the things it will have to do today and all the people it will have to care for and tasks it will have to accomplish and I wonder why I can't sleep.
I wonder why sleep eludes me and why when I wake in the dark that my thoughts first turn to who I am not and the very worst parts of me and the weight that never leaves - whether on my heart or my flesh.
I think of that movie in childhood......the one I never fully watched because it was scary and oh my that lady on the bike and her cackling. I can still see her and hear the music and feel a twinge of something uncomfortable, something not quite fear but close to it. The monkeys and the little men and the witches - both good and bad.
But what I remember now, in the dark of night, is the great and powerful wizard. And I think how brilliant the author of this book is that he is able to see inside all of us and realize that we all have a little man,woman standing behind a curtain and we want to project this great image, this powerful image but really we are just this tiny, normal person. Just a regular person with all the same fears and hang ups and such that accompany each person in this life.
And I am great at pulling back the curtain so that you get a glimpse of me. You get a glimpse of the insecurities I face, the thoughts I have, the things that cripple me in the night. But it's just a glimpse, enough for you to know that I know I am not perfect, that I have my faults and I struggle, too, with all that I am not and am. But then the curtain gets placed firmly back in place and the smile goes on and the clothes try to hide and the body keeps moving and the little man inside is forgotten or a least shoved aside in pursuit of daily life.
And oh my there are those of us who are GREAT at the pulling back. We sweep aside our curtains with such flair or noise that it's the pulling back of the curtain that people are taken with, the action and not the actually person standing behind it. If you are one of these people you know what I mean. Our great reveal is accompanied by a laugh or a story or drama because we have steeled ourself for this moment, for this reveal and in doing so the tiny person behind the curtain is overwhelmed by the reveal.
I wonder what true vulnerability looks like and if we have allowed time and space for it in our lives. I wonder if in all our busyness and urge to good things, the right things and love and take care of one another that we are missing what's good and real and important.
We are missing the opportunity to not just pull back the curtain but to have someone step forward and say.....no, no don't close it just yet.
Can I step behind this curtain with you?
Can I take a moment to just sit with you?
Can we talk?
I just want to listen.
I want to see.
I want to see the real you and I won't shy away.
But, of course, we do shy away and promises are broken and people are hurt and curtains are slammed shut and we go back to life as it was when we are hurt by those we love and want to be loved by.
But how about for today we don't.
We don't shy away.
We don't slam shut.
We don't walk away.
Instead we invite.
We love with our ears and with our eyes and with our hearts.
So today take a moment and think of who in your life needs you stop and see the person behind the curtain. Take a moment and think who are those people for you? We don't expose ourselves randomly and to everyone we meet........then you would be a flasher :) Not everyone needs to see all of who you are and all your stuff. But we do need a trusted few who know everything, who know the REAL you, who see and love all of who you are.
I have my few and most likely I need to spend a moment with them and talk. Really talk about what's behind my curtain, what drives me to wake at night and what thoughts keep racing in my mind and not brush off my night waking.
"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
- 1 John 5-7
Who are your few?
What needs to be brought to light?
Love you all. Thanks for showing up for my reveals and glimpses. I am off to sleep for an hour or two before the day starts......I have a feeling I will be able to sleep a bit better now.