Last night, one of our preacher's preached his last sermon at our church.
I call him preacher, even though it seems a bit outdated, because that is what he is.....a preacher. It's what he does the very best of all. When he speaks, he speaks with the authority of one who knows and loves God. He sets on fire the hearts of the people he speaks to, it's such a gift, such an amazing thing to witness.
My heart was set on fire last night. He spoke of the temple of old - the majesty of it, the grand scale and how it was good. Then Jesus came and he was the temple and that was better than just a building. Yet Jesus was taken up to heaven and it was the best because we were saved and we became the temple. That a building is not needed to find God but that we were the temple - the ones to go and take the church wherever we go. That, because of His sacrifice, within us heaven and earth intersect and we can take that with us wherever we go.
I came home and read Kisses for Katie - a blog about a 19 year old girl that went to Uganda and started a ministry to care for the children and people there. Now four years later she is a single mother to 13 girls and has helped COUNTLESS others. She went, not counting the cost and she is taking the His love to the people of Uganda.
I watched my brother live on IHOP's webstream, singing and giving glory God - pouring his heart out in prayer. Worshipping God, through heartache and pain and loss, but still giving glory, being a constant witness to His love and His goodness and His mercy and His faithfulness. He is bringing His love to so many.
I read two blogs consistently - Big Mama and A Holy Experience. They operate on two different ends of the spectrum but this week they are both going to Ecuador on a Compassion trip together. They each spoke of what they hope to find there, what they hope to find in themselves. They are bringing His love to Ecuador and sharing it with so many readers.
I sat in my chair, as I sit now, with tears streaming down my face. I wonder what is God calling me to? What am I to do? How can I show His love and to whom? I feel so woefully inadequate as I live my comfortable life, baking muffins and shuttling kids to school and playdates, reading my Bible in my warm living room while sipping hot coffee. Who am I that I get to live this comfortable life and in giving me this comfortable life what does He want me to do with it? How can I take this love I feel, that I have to others who may not be so blessed? How do I keep this fire within me throughout the week, throughout the month when this middle class, comfortable life threatens to shove me right back into complacency?
I wish you all had the answers for me. I wish it were easier. I wish that I could feel that fire always.
Can you pray for me this week? Can you pray that this fire that God placed within me remain within me so that I can be a witness to His love for others?
I want to love this week. I want to love big.
I want to not be overcome by my own weakness and weariness.
In His Name.
Thank you, Lord, for loving me, leaving me breathless with that love, no matter who I love, no matter what I do, You love me. Let me bear witness to that great love.