Thursday, March 8, 2012


In the black of the night, when silence and stillness pervade the house, I wake.  Groggy and wanting only to sleep once more, the voices creep stealthily in the night, into the deepest reaches of my heart and my mind.  My guard is down, the very quietness of the night works against me, for the voices reach me and sink in.

It's not enough.

Your children will suffer for your choices.

What you are trying, attempting?  It's not good enough.  You must do more, be more.

What your children truly need and want are the things you are not providing.

Why bother - you will never achieve what it is you are seeking to do.

My heart is aching, my body twists and turns within the covers, trying to still the voices.  These voices are so very deceptive for they try to take on the voice of the Father.  They hide their destructiveness in the guise of holiness, their persuasiveness taking on the tone of a more righteous one.

Read more.

Pray more.

Do more.

Be more.

The blows are fast and furious.  Sleep so far out of reach yet still my body, my eyes, my mind are weary and unable to fight off the attacks of the voices.  Yet.......yet........there is always One who is battling on my behalf.  One who whispers words of truth, one who comes with a message of Love.   There is conviction, there is discipline, there is truth in this Love.  There are times that I need to hear His wisdom and feel the discipline of a Father.  But what comes in the night is not of Him.  It is a condemning, hateful voice - determined to undermine the work of a Father.  To undermine what changes, what growth is being brought about by Love.  And so the battle rages..............

Beloved, you are mine.

You are loved.

Your children are blessed.

They are protected, they are mine.

Sleep, slumber in the peace of your Father.

My arms are around you.

Sleep, my beloved.

All the while, my husband's arms are encircling me, cradling me, never letting me go.  While sleep was far from me, he never was.  Not even fully awake he was encircling me with His love.  The voices began to fade.  The lump, the sob that was lodged in my throat begin to lessen.........the truth replaces the lies.  Still this morning I feel a bit of that aching, that doubting within me.......but He is so good.  For my overwhelming emotion this morning, this rainy, wet, cold gray of a day morning is JOY brought about by His love.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, 
   for his compassions never fail. 
They are new every morning; 
   great is your faithfulness. 
I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; 
   therefore I will wait for him.”

Lamentations 3:22-23

No comments: