I am looking at my children these days, these heady days of playing games (actually fun games not annoying games like Chutes and Ladders), building lego structures, reading books and cooking together and I can't help but think.......
I like these days. No, I LOVE these days...........even the days when I hide in the bathroom and call Liga and say I CANNOT PLAY FOR ONE SECOND LONGER and then I can laugh and get out my frustrations and I can go back in the game and play and be and spend time with these precious souls on loan to me.
And so oh crap.
I am no longer looking anxiously forward - when will we ever sleep again, can I have my body back (yeah, it's never coming back......the dream has been deferred), will they ever stop needing me EVERY SINGLE SECOND ON THE DAY, when will they feed themselves, dress themselves, go to the bathroom by themselves? They do that. All that and more. They are these cool little people that are actually really fun to talk to and hang out with and do nails with and create stuff with.
And so now I look at them and see how quickly they are growing and how quickly they are becoming more and more who God created them to be and it's delightful and it's amazing and it's oh so scary.
I want that pause button. I want to freeze them at this point, even little Francesca who tries my patience like no other but oh how she makes me laugh and oh how she loves life (and as I am typing this I think this is probably how Joe would describe me :)
This December we have been hibernating and it's been awesome. We have spent more time as a family then ever before - just hanging out, watching movies (again, movies we actually want to watch - who knew Cinderella 2 could be so darn good?!? We were all glued to the tv :), playing games (Zooreka! has got to be one of my favorite games now, AWESOME kids game!), baking, doing crafts, building and having quiet time (ahhh, blessed 7:00 quiet time with our bibles and journals, doesn't last long but it's a great space in the day). And as I was loving this time and basking in our family time and the ages and stages of our family right now............I was reminded.
I was reminded of a little phrase, a thought thrown out in a sermon or talk or sometime when our preacher said that whatever you are rich in God is going to ask you to share or give up or give away....something along those lines (SO not a detail person, can you tell? but I get the general idea....) And so before when I would hear this I would think oh yes, we live in a BLESSED, RICH, WEALTHY BEYOND WEALTHY country where we pretty much have MORE THAN WE COULD EVER NEED so here take our money. Look!! LOOK!! We are such good people and good Christians - we have Compassion children, give my husband a compassion/world vision catalogue and he is like a kid in a candy store - click, click, click goes the mouse and kids have food, families have chickens, etc., etc. (And by the way.........my husband is a ROCK STAR at giving, truly. His generosity never ceases to amaze me and I am truly impressed by his mad money skills - how he turns a paycheck into MORE THAN ENOUGH for us and MORE THAN ENOUGH for others......I am in awe. If it were me I would spend a WHOLE LOT MORE on me and not so much on others but Joe is a better man and is constantly showing me how much we have and how fun it is to give) We try to be generous with all we have..........because we are rich, right?
We are pretty wealthy compared to the world.
But in the world we live in - Canton, Ohio, United States of America - we aren't exactly the wealthiest. In fact we qualify for reduced lunches and help on utility bills (which we don't take because truly we do have more than enough, so much more than we need). But what we do have that isn't exactly in abundance these days is FAMILY.
It's something I recognized this month, in particular. I sent a halfway irritated text to our preacher man saying I didn't appreciate his insight (isn't that wonderful when you go to such a small church that you can just text your preacher when you don't appreciate his insight, I am sure that he is SO VERY THANKFUL that I always weigh in on his preachings and teachings :) I will share my money (because I am still not sure where it's being kept and how much we have exactly) and I will share my things (because I don't really become attached to my things - this HORRIFIES my eldest daughter and my husband and well, my son, too. I can't tell you the number of times I find them going through the trash and pulling things out....MOM! HOW COULD YOU THROW THIS AWAY!?!? Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize that you wanted that scrunched up piece of paper/broken toy/rubber appliance ring/book/etc. I am SO SORRY.) and I will try to share my time, which I am getting much better about, I think.
Ummm, but I would really rather keep my family to myself.
If that's ok with you.
Ummm, it's not?
But I like when it's JUST US. I like the games and the building and the quiet and the peace and the love and the ease of us. Didn't you catch the beginning of the post? Time is flying by and I don't want to lose any by........well, by.........ummm.......I was just going to type something that wouldn't reflect well on me so I stopped. But you know.........other people.........well, when other people are around it's messy and complicated and chaotic and LOUD and it requires me to share my precious ones. What will happen if they don't have ME playing and reading and building with them? Won't the world stop turning?
I'll work on it.
For right now I will enjoy December and the sickness and forced captivity which is actually ok most of the time because I get to do what I want and it gets to be just US (so says the leader of Family Village where our vision is to strengthen families and be a family to others connected to LoveCanton..............which I think I have been trying to do but I am not sure how much I have been including my ENTIRE family and maybe God has been speaking to me a bit about that this December season............)
And then in January..........well, crap.
I'll get on it.
What do YOU have to let go of in the new year?