Mystery Meat

One of my kid's favorite authors is Mercer Mayer.  We devour little Critter books.  They are HILARIOUS.  I love that the words directly contradict the pictures.  Just Me and My Puppy?  HILARIOUS.  Seriously, read it.  Oh and Just Me and My Baby Sister.......always cracks the kids up.  Little Critter is SOOOO not helpful.........like, hardly ever - with puppies, dogs, shopping with grandpa, you name it he acts JUST LIKE YOUR OWN CHILDREN.

Oh and a nice bonus?

Totally easy to read.

Fia WHIPS THROUGH THEM.

Why is this helpful?

Well, because sometimes ALL THREE KIDS are up at 7:00 am and what we do in the morning, every morning, is snuggle under blankets in the living room and read NUMEROUS books.

Do you know what it's like to read NUMEROUS, MIND-NUMBING BOOKS NOT OF YOUR OWN CHOOSING at 7:00 am in the morning?

It's as if someone is playing soothing lullabies while giving you a back massage, wrapping you in warm blankets and then keeps poking you and saying MOMMY, MOMMY ARE YOU AWAKE?  *POKE* YOU AREN'T SLEEPING ARE YOU, MOMMY?  *POKE* KEEP READING, MOMMY *POKE*

Yeah, it's pretty much JUST. LIKE. THAT.

So at 7:00 when all three kids are up and I need my coffee?  Why Fia flies right through those Little Critter books with not a word of help from me.  Quite unlike those DANG AMERICAN GIRL CHAPTER BOOKS that she just LOVES to read now.  And while I quite applaud her outstanding first grade reading abilities it can sometimes be a test of patience to sit through an entire chapter.  But I have to hand it to that girl, she sticks with it and gets through and knows most all of the words.  Kudos Mrs. Frantum!

ANYWAY...................(sometimes I have to go back and read these things to remember what my point was.........)

We were reading "Merry Christmas, Little Critter" the other morning and on the second to last page Little Critter opens his last present.

It's a BIG one - his very own guinea pig.  He looks OVERJOYED.

Awwwwww..............what a great gift.  Inside I am thinking.........kids, better not get any ideas......no pets here at the Codispoti house........again WHY WOULD I WANT ANOTHER CREATURE WHO POOPS AND HAS TO BE FED IN THIS HOUSE?  I don't, would be the answer.

So I turn to the last page and the whole Critter family is eating their Christmas dinner........and Fia says, "Then they ate him."

Ummmm........come again?

IN ALL SERIOUSNESS.........Fia says, "They ate the pet for their Christmas dinner."

Ummmmmm.........the one Little Critter just opened?

"Yes, they ate him.  See?  That plate has the guinea pig."

Ummmmmmm.....no.

"YES. THEY DID."

And then it makes sense to me.  I can't believe it didn't occur to me earlier.

Ummmmmmmm.........did your FATHER tell you this?

"YES.  Daddy said they ate him."  Still dead seriously.  And no remorse.  (In her defense we buy all our meat locally except chicken which we rarely buy and then we buy Gerber chicken which we have at least driven past.  Our children have met animals before eating them.  We went to see our pig, when he was alive and oinking, before he was butchered.)

Well, at least I know they weren't hoping for a pet.

Just dinner.