I chase after a lot of things...................
A clean house.
Godly, obedient, joyful children.
A laundry basket for dirty clothes that is always empty.
People who like me.
People I like.
A house that appears to be organized.
A reputation as a mom, a wife, a woman.
A place in our church, someway to give, to matter to the body.
I feel a little sad as I look at that list............even though it's an honest list and nothing on that list would be looked at as bad. But I wonder why I choose with such fervor and anxiety things that will always elude me. It takes so much effort, so much worry and so much time to pursue those things ALL THE TIME. I woke up this morning and I felt anxious. This past week has been a good week and I have been involved in good things, things that matter, things that I actually love to do. But a lot of those things have been detail-oriented. I am NOT a detail-oriented person but I am a person who wants things done right and done well. So all my energy this week has gone into making sure each detail is right, everything is on time, goes smoothly and gets done in the correct manner.......I know, I am probably making you anxious right now. And this morning I woke up and realize oh my gosh, there is another thing that has to get done for tomorrow and it's not planned and I don't know what I am doing and the house is a mess and I need to make meals and cheese and bread and I need to get dressed today and I want to play with the kids and I want to read books with them and I want to just lie in bed with my husband and I want to get this book made for the children's lesson tomorrow and so on and so on until I was worked into a frenzy......all in my mind, of course, because it was still 7:30am and I wasn't even out of bed yet.
But then............I turned my mind to the one achievable pursuit...............
The One who sets my mind at peace, who calms me, who loves me, who never asks me to be more than I can be at any one time..................
I saw myself laying down.................there was a gentle breeze blowing and the day was easy, those days where the sun is gentle, the air is warm and the sky is a never ending blue. As I was laying there a hammock appeared and wrapped it's way around me and began to gently rock me in the breeze. Aahhhh, I wanted to lay there forever. It seems as if all those things that I was formerly pursuing in my mind were pushed aside as I pursued the One that pursues me.
As I lay there...........soaking in the calm, another came to lay beside me...........Joe was there and together, wrapped around one another, we rocked and swayed to the gentle beat of His heart.
Thank you for never letting me go, for reminding me what matters..........and in your gentle way giving me the idea for the children's lesson, for the day and restoring order to my frantic mind. May my first pursuit always be You.