The Sick Thoughts of a Pregnant Woman

This past week has been WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!  I don't even feel pregnant except when I look down and see elastic where I use to wear a belt.  Last night was the only time I have been sick all week.  I was sitting with the kids and had to excuse myself.  I very calmly went to the bathroom and positioned myself standing up, with my legs crossed severely so as not to pee my pants (I had on freshly laundered long underwear and my most comfortable pj bottoms) and proceeded to vomit.  Now as I am vomiting I am looking in the toilet wondering what on earth is that?  What did we have for dinner?  I can't even remember and I start to inspect what's in the toilet as I am hurling.   Oh, that's right...cantaloupe, salad, what else?.......oh there it is...french bread...can't wait to try that new recipe tomorrow morning......and what was the main course................yes, yes, there it is Minnesota beans.  It was like having an out of body experience, as if I wasn't really there.  I am truly hoping this is the last time I will ever throw up due to a baby in my womb!

MIracles DO happen

So I HATE stairs.  I about have a nervous breakdown whenever I am around stairs and my children.  I actually have dreams about my children falling from high places.  When the doctor asked me at Fia's 2 year appointment if she was walking down the stairs by herself I looked at her like she was an idiot......I mean who would let their child WALK DOWN STAIRS BY THEMSELVES at that age.  Unfortunately Fia has seen all her other little friends walk down by themselves (thanks guys........) and she is determined that she can too.  So she is on her own down the stairs now - I would have carried her down until she was 5.  Nico, on the other hand, is a different story.  If you have been around him you know that he goes full throttle FORWARD.  There is no caution, there is no backing down, sliding down, etc.  He just goes.  Well, the other night we were praying with a couple in the living room and their youngest daughter (age 11?) was playing with Fia and Nico was just walking around the upstairs.  All of a sudden we hear Mianna say, "What are you doing down here all by yourself?"  That's right, my son got down the stairs somehow BY HIMSELF and was playing downstairs.  The gate and door had been left open on accident.  Not a scratch, not a bruise, no screaming, no crying.  A true miracle!

Backseat Driver

This probably won't be a huge surprise to any that has spent time with my daughter recently but she likes to have control of things............all things.  This has carried over to the car.  If I do not have my seat belt on the moment I get in the car I am quickly reminded that I must put on my belt.  Today when we were on the way to the library she told me, "Honey, honey......just stop.  It's red.  The light is red, honey.  Just wait.  It will be green soon.  No, no, just wait.  There we go, honey, it's green.  Green means go.  Phew we made it.  There will be a red at the top of the mountain soon.  You have to stop.  Red means stop, honey."  It went on for a little bit longer after that but I will spare you the details.  It is sometimes hard to remember that the child won't even be 3 until June.  I sometimes feel as if I am the child...............honey, indeed.

Thank you!

I feel like someone must have been praying for me!  This morning at 5:30 when Nico started to stir I reflexively turned to God for help.  It was the first time in awhile that my first thought turned to God and not to......why oh why can't you sleep?  Amazingly, he stayed pretty quiet until 6:00 (which in our house is the magical time).  I got up and was happy to be up, I got an extra half hour of cuddle time with my hubby, I started my day with prayer (or pleading whichever you prefer to call it!) and I still threw up BUT not before I had already gone to the bathroom so no pee on the floor!  All in all a good way to start the day!  

Authenticity

So I feel the need to share with you not only my funnies, my "bad mommy" moments and other such nonsense but the real stuff.  These past few weeks I feel as if the real stuff has been hitting me full force in a way that hasn't happened in a long time.  It's been so hard to keep afloat.  I have felt so sick in such a continuous manner that I have felt overwhelmed and almost close to tears because I have forgotten what it feels like to just feel normal.  I have been unable to keep up with my regular pace, my regular household duties/extras and unable to keep up with the demands of being a good wife/mom.  I have felt on mornings that I do not want to get out of bed, that I can't possibly face the day but yet, of course, had to get up and do my job.  The worst part of it has been that I feel as if God is right there wanting to help me wanting to comfort me but I haven't been able to reach him.  On good days, and even so-so days, I get out my verses on note cards, my devotional, my Bible and do a little reading, I pray and I feel so much better.  But on bad days I just want to get out of myself, I read novels, I sleep, I watch TV, anything to not think.  I feel so far from him.  And unfortunately it seems as if the bad days outnumber the good days.  I think I have come to a turning point, though.  The last few days have been ok.  Not great, but doable and I have felt more positive than I have in weeks.   I am hoping this is the end of the worst.  I just wanted to share so that you know and I can't pretend that everything is all sunny days all the time.  Even now I just want to delete this because it is embarrassing to admit that I haven't been all giggles and sunshine lately but I feel it's important to be authentic (Yes, Candace, totally stole that from this past Sunday's sermon) with those around you whom you love and share life with.

The musings (ie whining) of a pregnant woman

There will be a lot of information shared here and if you are one that gets queasy stop ready now. Last Tuesday (a few days after my miracle drug had been prescribed and found NOT to be quite the wonder drug I was hoping for) I was engaged in a battle - a battle to rid my body of excess waste.  I have never been a "regular" person anyway but add a ton more iron to my daily diet and well, it's not pretty.  As I shared with a friend I pushed longer to have a bm than I did with the birth of either of my children.  And that is where the whole ugly story begins...............

Thankfully it went down when I flushed about 15 minutes later but I didn't stick around to see exactly what the water level was like.  I figured Joe could deal with it later if there was a problem, I was feeling pretty sick.  So that night Joe and FIa were gone and I was hanging with Nico.  I put him to bed early and went to bed myself, I was done.  That night about 2AM I get up dry heaving in bed, I run to the bathroom and there are wet, slightly dirty towels all over the floor.  I run to the toilet and quickly realize that I will not be throwing up in there!  I dry heave a bit longer into the sink, just in case.  After I get back in bed I ask Joe (very innocently) what on earth happened in the bathroom?  Apparently.....the toilet overflowed....hmmmmm.  He worked on it for over an hour and couldn't get it unclogged.  

The next morning we get out of bed and I have on a nightgown and a sweatshirt thrown over top....sans underwear.  I hate wearing clothing when I go to bed so I just throw on whatever is next to the bed in the morning.  I am sitting with Nico on the couch and feel sick again.  I run to the kitchen and start to dry heave in the sink (again I think maybe something will come up), but no something comes out.............I begin to pee all over the kitchen floor.  Keep in mind, no underwear and this is the first pee since 7:00 last night.  Yeah, I thought I was going to have to build an ark to get out of the kitchen.  

Luckily, my dad is at home because I was so sick, the bathroom was a mess with the toilet still clogged and Joe had to go to school.  Dad took the kids for the day, I unclogged the toilet with a WONDERFUL product at the Busy Beaver (CLR thingy with this power plunger thing, it whooshed and unclogged the thing in 2 seconds) and got some much needed rest.  

I am at 12 weeks tomorrow..........I am hoping that will be the magical day and this will be the end.  Be thinking of me.......I think that it will be a good day tomorrow!

Confessions of a Bad Mommy #8

1.  I read two entire books yesterday............yes, I was sick but still.......two books.  It almost made being sick worth it.

2.  I dusted TWO rooms last week.  Yes, that does mean that there are still three rooms that haven't been dusted since June........it's a work in progress.

3.  I thank the good Lord that we have a house that's what? 1100 sq. ft. or something like that (I could be off by a few hundred feet) because I cannot possibly think about cleaning a bigger house.  I would rather stuff my kids in bunkbeds stacked to the ceiling than have to worry about another room.  Oh, and another bathroom?  No thank you.

4. I change my sheets way too infrequently to even tell you exactly. It's embarrassing, even for me, so you know how bad it is.  

I am trying to be better about it. Seriously, I am.

5. I let my kids watch an hour of TV in the mornings now. I justify this because I feel so crappy, we can't go outside

to play and I only let them watch 10-15 minutes before nap. It still makes me feel like a horrible mom, though, 

on an almost daily basis. I keep telling myself that as soon as I can get my act together I will cut it back down to 30 minutes

but right now I look forward to that hour when I can take a shower and lay like a lump on the couch

feeling sorry for my nauseous self.

6. Every morning when I get up I think about the two whole days and nights that Joe and I will be spending

in a cabin the 14th-16th and I think I can get through the day because for two whole mornings I will

be able to sleep past 6 if I want.

I'm Back! Hopefully...........

Well, it was a rough couple of weeks ending in my calling my husband at work yesterday to COME HOME!  I had thrown up a couple of times, felt really dizzy, fell at one point as I was getting Fia out of bed and was just done.  He made me call the doctor and she said either I go to the emergency room to get an IV or get some meds.  I opted for the meds and seem to be doing better today.  I am hoping this is the last of the really, really crappy stuff.  Joe has been AWESOME about all this and I couldn't hope for a better husband.  I learned that a lot of stuff can be let go (the house hasn't always been as clean, the meals aren't gourmet and things aren't laid out the night before).  I think that God, with this pregnancy, is preparing me for the third child.  Nico was a pretty easy addition.  He didn't fuss too much, he settled into a nice little schedule that followed very nicely with Fia's and I always had free time during the day.  The sleep thing bothered me.......that need to eat in the middle of the night is so very annoying but all in all an easy addition.  I have a feeling with number three things will be a bit more harried and not as easy.  It's good I learn to let things go now......................

Doctor's Visit

I have been a bit lazy in getting posts done  but I have been so tired and pretty sick for the last week or so.  I went to the doctor's yesterday and if you haven't heard yet.....I am 8 weeks pregnant.  Everything seems to be going well and the doctor seemed pretty confident that things would be okay since I was feeling so sick.  The throwing up has started and the nausea is pretty much a constant.  Joe has been really helpful and doesn't even say anything about my two showers a day!  I only really feel good when laying on the floor of the shower with tons of hot water beating down on me.  Had my first experience of throwing up in a public restroom room again.........gotta love that nasty toilet water splashing back up in your face!  Ugh!  Oh well, only 4 more weeks hopefully and then it will be over!  I'll let you know how the next visit goes in 4 weeks!  Oh and if you have any good Italian boy's names......bring it on!  We got the girl name...Francesca Luisa.

Ways I Have Been Lazy in the Past Week

1.  I put an entire carton of cracked eggs (almost, 8 cracked eggs) back in the fridge because the garbage was full and I didn't want to empty it.  

2.  I put a dirty dish back in the dishwasher rather than handwash it.............for the 8th time.

3.  I still haven't dusted.

4.  Instead of folding the kids clothes I just laid the same ones out for them to wear that they had worn a day or two ago.

5.  I put a diaper on the kid I was suppose to be potty training.  This was the day after I threw away her underwear that she pooped in rather than wash it out.  

6.  I crumbled up an entire pepperoni roll in order for it to fit in the sweeper rather than take it 5 steps over to the trash can.  (This one backfired on me - I had to unclog the sweeper next time I was sweeping and it turns out that indeed, my sweeper cannot handled even a crumbled up pepperoni roll.)

7.  I let my beautiful baby boy sit on the table of the booth to play playdough because I didn't really think he could hurt himself THAT bad if he fell and he was happy and I needed to finish making dinner.

8.  I took a two hour nap on Sunday and then slept for 9 hours that night...................ahhhhh, that one felt good.

What I Love About One

I was just reflecting the other day about how far we have come since last December.  As you probably all know I am not a baby person.  I love my children and I love them from the moment they are born but as for truly enjoying them that happens later........about 6 months.  I don't do well without a schedule, sleep and breastfeeding, well, we won't go there right now!  So this is what I love about one year olds:

1.  No bottle!  YEAH!  Such freedom to not have to lug anything around or remember formula or any of that stuff and if you are breastfeeding you can reclaim your body!  YEAH!

2.  Flexibility - one nap, no more rushing home just in case they fall asleep in the car or any of that in the mornings.  You have a bit of wiggle room.

3.  The long nap - whether it is one hour long or 2 hours long - the afternoon nap is still longer now than it was when there were two.  In Fia's case it took a bit longer to get a really long one but at a year it was definitely looking better than before.

4.  Eat anything and everything - no restrictions!  Except for the peanut thing depending on which side of the debate you fall.

5.  Independence!  They walk, run, play, etc.  There are few limitations anymore at this age.  So nice for mommy and daddy's back!

6.  Sippy cups, finger foods, etc. all make for easy outings!

7.  Consistency and routine - gotta love it!  For Fia her schedule has been about the same since she hit the year mark.  We have made some adjustments but they have been more for me or the addition of Nico than for her.

8.  Understanding - go find mommy, time to brush your teeth, time to eat, etc.  All these commands are understood if not always followed!

9.  They are growing up!  Nico now plays with playdoh - Joe and I marvel at it.  He uses the rolling pin, tries to put it on plates, cuts it with a knife.  Such a little man - it is sooooo fun to watch!

Confessions of a Bad Mommy #6

1.  Some of the toys from Nico's b-day and Christmas went straight to the Salvation Army.

2.  One time, after a particularly heinous day, I was laying on the couch, face down and Joe asked me what I was doing.  I said I was picturing our life without kids.  (These comments tend to really throw Joe for a loop!)

3.  Today when I was cutting up things for dinner with a very sharp knife I actually started banging the knife against the counter because if I didn't use the counter I was afraid I would do bodily harm to my child.  I probably looked like a maniac.  Such a bad, bad mommy moment!  She kept interrupting during play by yourself time (after two weeks with daddy at home and little routine, it takes awhile to get back......for all of us!).  

4.  When I was doing my bi-yearly dusting for Nico's party I stopped halfway through the house.  Dusting pains me.  It really does, I felt I couldn't go on any further.

5.  I don't separate my laundry.  This drives Joe insane but he rarely mentions it because I haven't dyed anything and frankly, he doesn't have to do it.  As Amanda says the laundry fairy visits each day and really, who wants to question such good fortune!

The Bathroom

The bathroom............a work in progress.  It's pretty ugly, huh?  We have gone for function rather than beauty.  We "need" new towels, something to hang on the wall, new shower curtain, new toilet cover, we have no bath mat, etc.  I have been waiting for about two years for the green light from God on this.  Before when I have needed something or wanted a new pair of jeans, shoes, underwear, microwave, bedspread, etc. God has provided in some way.  A friend has given us a microwave, Melissa had a comforter that didn't match the new house, brand new shoes at Salvation Army for TWO BUCKS!  In some way God has provided.   So this year I had no plans for my Christmas money except for a weekend away with Joe which is covered by my grandparents and mother-in-law's Christmas gift.  I have been pretty excited about the rest of the cash (provided by Joe's dad), no one gives actual gifts except for my parents.   Yet today I was reading a book about the poverty around the world.  How little so many have, how I am rich by comparison.  I felt as if God was saying yeah, I know you want the bathroom to look nicer but what about all these people that don't have clean drinking water?  What about children who don't have the food to eat that yours do?   I just realized today (for the first time in two years!) that maybe it won't ever be time for new bathroom stuff or at least not the stuff that I want.  That doesn't mean that God isn't good, it doesn't mean that He doesn't provide, it just might mean that I don't really need it.  There is a greater need.  So no new bathroom stuff but some little kids get to eat and have clean drinking water.  It's kind of a bummer but lesson learned...............for now...........until the next desire comes along!

In All I Do

A few weeks ago I was feeling frustrated with my day because it seemed like I wasn't "getting things done".  There was a to do list in my mind that wasn't  being addressed.  I was playing with the kids, getting them dressed, changing diapers, etc.  In the midst of this I had some praise and worship music playing because I like to have a little music playing or a podcast going on the computer when we are having a relaxed day.  All of a sudden God spoke to me through that music.  The song playing went "In all I do I honor you....................".  I had to smile and thank God because He of course was right.  In playing with my kids, in being with them, changing them, dressing them, watching them I was honoring Him - in all I do.  My to do list could wait.