Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Go to stories

Ok so you have already probably have had some stressful times in the past few days and I am sure that in the next few days you will have some more stressful moments.  I offer you no false promises of total serenity or peace filled days but what I offer you are go to stories.  I "go to" these stories in my head when there is turmoil all about me and I need to get away in my mind.  They always give me a little giggle and then I feel better able to cope.  Here are two of my favs.  I am sure that most of you have already heard these but there always good for a laugh.

The Yeast Infection
When I was pregnant with Nico I would get yeast infections all the time.  Yuck.  I hate medicine and would always kind of forget about the intense pain during the day but then at night when I especially didn't want to go out to the drugstore it would be unbearable.  So one night it was truly just absolutely  horrible.  I had irritated the area further trying to rid myself of the itchiness so I remembered reading on the internet (such a reliable source, huh?) that vinegar helps.  I got an old washcloth and soaked it with about a cup of vinegar (because more is always better right?) and placed it on the irritated area.  Burning?  Hmmmm........that burning sensation must mean that it's working right?  OH MY GOSH......BURNING!  BURNING!  BURNING!  I quickly remove the washcloth and now there is no more itching, just pain.  I look up the next day wondering who the psycho is that recommended this...........ummmm, it was a teaspoon of vinegar in a warm bath.  I guess the whole cup needed to be diluted a bit more.

A Walk Through the Neighborhood
I love taking early morning walks with the kiddies when it is warm.  We get out there bright and early.  One morning after my bowl of cereal and cup of coffee I gather Nico and Sofia up and load them in the double stroller.   We are about halfway home when it starts......oh my gosh, I feel as if I am going to have to go to the bathroom, I mean really go.  I am pushing about 65 pounds worth of kid and stroller and I have to go to the bathroom.  It is warm, I am sweating and I have to go to the bathroom.  I pause for a moment and think I am just going to bend down for a second and try to hold it together.  This makes it worse.  I am almost running down the hill to my street - then I stop - it is never a good idea to run when you have to go to the bathroom.  I have ten houses to go.....I can make it.....I can make it.....I did not make it.  I actually pooped my pants.  I am now walking through my neighborhood with poop in my pants.  I pray that my aunt is not going to stop me.  I pray that the neighbor lady with her dog will not stop me.  I pray that no one sees I have pooped my pants.  I am no longer going to drink my coffee BEFORE my morning walks or have any dairy products.

So when things get a bit stressful or tiresome you can always think at least my (I have no idea what word would be the least offensive to everyone so I leave this blank) _______  is not on fire and I have never had to walk through my neighborhood with an underwear full of poop.  Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

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